Evolving

Do I always have to be 2nd?

2011-11-13T06:03:00.000-08:00

If you know me or catch my Facebook updates on a regular basis, you know that I have an obsession with the I am Second website.

Well, that's because, in my life, I try to live my life as 2nd in command. Heck, with a family, sometimes I feel like I can't even get to 2nd place...it's more like 3rd or 4th...or 10th.

I don't have a lot of time to write this morning, but the thought just occurred to me that there are certain things I do (and continue to do) only because I have God as first place in my life and I believe He has a plan He is unfolding for me.

So here I sit, printing out recipes, remembering once again, that I am Second in my own life...and hoping you will find satisfaction and peace in your own 2nd place. That's the funny thing about being 2nd place to God alone. Even if you don't think you're 2nd, you probably still are.

So I guess my Mother was right...

2011-10-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

My Mom has told me for years that I am a snob. Of course, my response is, "How can I be a snob? I don't have a lot of money. I can't afford expensive things. I can't send my daughter to expensive schools and look down on those who don't."

Well, it appears that, after years of fighting it, I am, indeed, a snob. But it's not because I think I'm better than anyone...well, usually I don't think I'm better than anyone. It's because I'm insecure in who I am and what I do (or don't) have, and I'm afraid other people will judge me because of it.

A few years back, I spent a week with a counselor on Coronado Island. A couple of days ago, after attending a birthday party at one of Bella's classmates' houses, part of a conversation came back to me. The counselor asked me if I was a discerning person. After I answered that I was, and we talked a little bit about my type of "discernment", she challenged me. She said that my type of discernment wasn't something that simply saw people for who they were and accepted them anyway. It was a discernment bred out of self-protection. I'm afraid of getting hurt, so I size them up as either "safe" or "unsafe", and then I quickly either let them in or build a wall up between myself and that person so they can't hurt me first.

I'm guessing this is something I learned at a pretty young age because I had to determine who to be friends with based on whether or not they would accept me as the "fat girl". I had to make quick decisions and hope I was right so that they wouldn't turn their backs on me or end up saying hurtful things after I'd let them into my life. That happened a couple of times...and it hurt a lot.

As I think about it now, it's exactly what I'm doing as a Mom. Ever since Bella started school, and I have been faced with handling relationships with other Moms, I have put up wall after wall because I'm afraid that those Moms are like the girls who hurt me when I was a kid. If you've ever talked to me about the other families we're around at Bella's school, I'm sure you've noticed my snobbery. I judge them before they judge me...or I judge them FOR judging me.

...And it's not my place to judge anyone. In the grand scheme of things, it makes no difference where our children go to school...or what anyone thinks of me because of it. It doesn't matter if they live in a big house and I don't, or if they judge me because of it. What matters is that I stop acting like it matters.

I love my home...that is small and that I rent. I love the trees outside of our windows, and I love the people on the block I live on.

I love my husband and my daughter and they love me.

I like my dog most of the time.

And I know and love a God who is graceful and teaches me these things about myself so that I can continue to change and be more of who He created me to be.

My Bible is open to this verse right now--"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves."

I don't consider myself to be powerful. Let me make that very clear. I very much feel like a "fragile clay jar" as I write this. I am breakable, and I need a lot of care and protection to keep me intact. But I do believe I have a remarkable gift inside of me that people (and I) periodically get a glimpse of. My hope is that as I continue walking through life and seeing myself for who I am and who I can be, that Gift will be much more visible.

But first I have to start taking down some walls. And if you're a wall-builder like me, I'd encourage you to start doing the same thing.

Until next time...

Jewelry and wedding dresses

2011-10-04T04:18:00.000-07:00

This morning, I read something from the book of Jeremiah that got my attention. If you're familiar with Biblical things, you'll know that Jeremiah is known as the "weeping" prophet. He pretty much cries about the state of God's people for chapters on end. It's pretty pathetic. But after getting this image in my head that I'm about to share with you, I can understand why he mourns...and it's an image only a woman would understand. This is what he says...

"Does a young woman forget her jewelry? Does a bride hide her wedding dress? No! Yet for years on end my people have forgotten me."

If you're female, you know how important your jewelry can be to you. There are days when the ring on your finger, chain around your neck, or posts in your ears can make you feel like a completely different person. It can change the way you feel about yourself. It can also change the way people look at you. I know that when I've spent enough time and attention on myself to add those extra little touches, people notice and will sometimes comment on how nice I look. Sometimes they'll only comment on my earrings, but mostly it's about the whole person.

And then there's the image of the bride. If you've ever gotten married, you'll recall the importance of "the dress". Women spend thousands of dollars on wedding dresses (not this woman...but many women). No matter what the cost of the dress, it is one of the most important details of the wedding day. It is costly, takes time to choose, and it is the one garment the bride has chosen to be with her on what probably feels like the most important day of her life. For many, it's as much a part of the wedding day as the groom is! Certainly, a bride would never choose a dress only to then hide it under a potato sack.

But here is Jeremiah, likening God's people to a bride who has chosen to hide her dress. She has spent hours choosing the most beautiful, the most flattering and the most amazing dress she'll ever wear in her life...yet she doesn't want to show it to the people closest to her.

God is the most valuable garment we will ever have. When we choose him, we don't do it lightly or without cost, or at least we shouldn't do it lightly or without cost. Sometimes, we give up our habits, we give up our time or we give up our former way of living because that's what we're "supposed" to do when we become his person.

I'm afraid, though, that, like the woman who doesn't care enough to put on her jewelry, we just forget that it's important to add that extra touch that can change everything. Maybe we're too busy trying to get out the door in the morning, that putting on our God and spending time talking to Him or learning from His Word becomes unimportant. Maybe, like that pearl necklace you're saving for a special occasion, your Bible just sits in a drawer. It's never seen, but you know you've got it if you ever need it or have the extra time. Or, maybe like your wedding dress, it was nice for one day, but the day-to-day responsibilities of life require dickies instead of silk.

I think there's something I've learned in this last year, that I didn't know before...and it's reflected in this passage. God makes me beautiful. Granted, I'm not perfect, and not everyone sees the beautiful Leanne all the time...and sometimes my pearls and my wedding dress are locked up for no one to see. But when I spend the extra time learning God's word and being reminded of who He made me to be, I'd like to think that people notice something about me. And I hope that what they notice is not me, but Him and His beauty and worthiness to be worn not only for special occasions, but for every occasion.

Just an aside about this video. I chose this because it's acoustic, not because of the pictures it shows. There's a version with Bethany and her guitar when she was younger that I liked a lot better, but it cut out at the best part. The important part is the words.

My prayer today

2011-09-19T05:35:00.000-07:00

O God, you are my God;

I earnestly search for you.

My soul thirsts for you;

my whole body longs for you

in this parched and weary land

where this is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory.

Your unfailing love is better to me than life itself;

how I praise you!

I will honor you as long as I live,

lifting up my hands to you in prayer.

You satisfy me more than the richest of foods.

I will praise you with songs of joy...

Amen and amen.

*I have to credit King David of ancient Israel with these words...they surely are not mine.

Stop worrying and keep moving

2011-08-18T06:01:00.000-07:00

This last year+ has been an exercise in faith building for me. I've been a Christian since I was 13. I've been through many stages of faith and belief. But never have I been required to learn such faith and patience in financial matters as I have since leaving California. When we lived in California, I never trusted God with "my" (our) money. I never thought there would be enough and I was always hoarding it in my heart...even trying to control and keep it away from my own husband. The funny thing is that I didn't have a reason to try to control our money! Yes, life is excruciatingly expensive in Southern California, but we had a good paycheck to count on. We were never without and we didn't have a lot of expenses. On top of all that, my husband's family, who tends to be quite generous when they know there is a need to be met, lived 5 miles away from us!

Thinking back on it, I'm really not sure why I worried so much.

When we left California, we left our steady jobs, our family, our home and any allusion of financial stability we may have had. We were doing what we knew God wanted us to do. We were moving back to the place He'd called us, trusting that He would provide what we needed as we needed it.

And he has done just that. But I have not lived believing He was doing that until the last few months. Since making the decision this time last year to put Bella in preschool so I could work, we struggled with making tuition payments every month, as well as paying for her to be in dance class (which drained every bit of extra money we could have had...for those of you who don't know, DANCE IS EXPENSIVE). I can't say that I consulted God about dance or schooling, or believed in his ability to provide beyond our circumstances, but once I got us into it, we made it through...by the skin of our teeth!

When I started praying about a summer job, God orchestrated a meeting with friends of mine who wanted me to work for them. That wasn't the job He had planned for me, but that was the meeting that made me trust that God was preparing something for me past what I could see. After all, he had provided jobs (MANY jobs) since coming back a year earlier. I didn't really have a reason to believe He wouldn't continue to provide. Topher has found favor at his job, and God is providing for us through that. Right now, Bella is not enrolled in pre-K, I will possibly have the opportunity to work two jobs starting in September, and I don't have a consistent caretaker for my daughter.

I trust that God is going to provide what my family needs. If Bella is to go to school, it will be provided. We won't have to pay for it because that's going to put us in too much of a bind. If she's not supposed to go to school, then we'll trust that I'm supposed to be spending more time at home this year. We're taking a break from extracurricular activities because we can't do it right now. I'm not going to live beyond our means anymore. I'm knocking on every door that I see in front of me because God has reminded me that, although He is happy to provide for me, sometimes I've got to be the one to seek it out and do the work. He has something waiting for my family. Something greater than what we've found already. Not just with finances, but in matters of faith and community...in matters of life and His Kingdom.

But He has to come first. Feeding our faith has to come before feeding our bank account. The glory of His Kingdom has to come before the glory of my family or the building of a personal empire. It's not about me. It's about Him. And He is good.

"Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you."

"Taste and see that the Lord is good."

"The Lord longs to be gracious to you, and he waits on high to have compassion on you. The Lord is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for him."

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good and his love lasts forever."

God is that big...and yes, I am that small

2011-08-10T05:55:00.001-07:00

As a young person, my view of God and practice of Christianity bordered on the judgmental and self-righteous. I judged both myself and the world around me through very critical eyes (I still do), but I translated that criticism into my faith. I was plagued with guilt and a desire to make restitution for anything I thought I did or thought wrongly. There was little real hope in my practice of faith because I was caught up in being "right" or "righteous". I thought I could be good enough. I thought I truly could be like God. That came to a screeching halt when I entered into a relationship where all my thoughts about how "good" I was came tumbling down.

I know better than to blog the sordid details of past mistakes, so I will continue on, trusting that many of you have been in those kinds of relationships or circumstances--in which everything you thought about yourself was called into desperate question. That's where I was.

I began to see my propensity for selfishness in the deepest levels of my heart. I began to understand that if I can truly be like God, or if I thought I was close to being like God, maybe God isn't that great or worthy of my trust. It wasn't until a few years later that I read a book that diagnosed my condition.

I was arrogant in my faith. I bought the lie that I had all the answers and I understood the mind of God because I'd read the Bible. I honestly believed that faith was a simple equation and that I deserved God's grace because I was a good person and liked to tell people about Jesus. How wrong I was. In actuality, my condition was more symptomatic of the problems in Christianity today than it was evidence of the greatness of a fathomless God.

I understand God's ways and thoughts less and less as the years go by. I understand His grace and goodness more and more. As I study and follow Him, He becomes an even greater mystery to me. He is that big. No longer am I under the impression that I am like Him. I am not. I am like you. Whoever you are, whatever you've done and whatever you think of yourself or me, I am just like you.

Oh, and in case you're wondering what the book was that helped me understand all of this a little better, it's called The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. Don't read it if you want to believe anything good about yourself. Read it if you want to understand how good your God is to you and how unworthy of any of it you are.

It's good news. Trust me.

Ezra and the "gracious hand of the Lord"-thoughts

2011-08-08T05:45:00.001-07:00

This morning, I was reading about Ezra. Ezra was an old school scribe (not prophet) who worked in the 400's BC. My assumption is that his relationship to the King of Persia (Artaxerxes) had to do with him being a scribe within the Kingdom of Persia, writing down laws, edicts, and basically whatever he was told to write. However, when he's mentioned in Ezra 7:6, we're told that, "he was also well versed in the law of Moses, which the Lord, the God of Israel, had given to the people of Israel," and later in verse 11, that he was also a priest.

He was a Jewish man, technically a priest within the line of Aaron, with an education who was respected and trusted by the highest authority in a non-Jewish country.

Here's a bit more context before I continue with all this:

It was during this time in history that we hear about the rebuilding of Jerusalem. Ezra wanted to be a part of the rebuilding and we're told that, "the king gave him everything he asked for, because the gracious hand of the Lord his God was on him." This wasn't the first time God had accomplished his purposes through the generosity of the kings. Kings Cyrus and Darius both gave wealth and materials for rebuilding Jerusalem (which was NOT a part of the Persian kingdom) and the temple of God. But this is the first time I can remember reading that "the gracious hand of the Lord" was upon an individual in the presence of the King to ask for supplies, laborers, etc., and to receive all that he asked for.

Back to the point.

After I read "the gracious hand of the Lord was on Ezra" twice, I started wondering why. Quite frankly, I wanted to know how to get the gracious hand of the Lord onto my life. I'd just gotten done praying about God's favor in my job. I want to, very literally, go before the authorities in my life and be able to get anything I ask for. Don't you? Well, when I read in verse 10 that it was "because Ezra had determined to study and obey the law of the Lord and to teach those laws and regulations to the people of Israel," it was slightly disappointing.

Like many others, I want to be told that simply because I am a Christian and I go to church, or because I call on the name of Jesus when it's convenient , I will be shown favor and given anything I ask for. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case for Ezra, and that's not going to be the case for me or you. Ezra was given favor because his heart was about the business of glorifying God. He had mastered the discipline of boasting that I wrote about a few days ago. Once the King answered his requests favorably, look at what he says...

"Praise the Lord, the God of our ancestors, who made the king want to beautify the Temple of the Lord in Jerusalem! And praise him for demonstrating such unfailing love to me by honoring me before the king, his council, and all his mighty princes! I felt encouraged because the gracious hand of the Lord my God was on me."

Ezra wasn't asking for a promotion within the Kingdom of Persia. He wasn't asking for more money or wealth for himself or his family. He wasn't trying to build trust funds or pay for college tuition. He wasn't even trying to pay rent. What he wanted was for the God of Israel to once again be honored in his Temple in the Holy City of the Jews. He wanted (and had determined) that the people of Israel would learn the laws of the Lord. He didn't want them to know Ezra. He wanted them to know their God.

This is echoed by another follower of God later in the Scripture. In Philippians 3, Paul writes:

"But whatever was to MY profit, I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, NOT HAVING A RIGHTEOUSNESS OF MY OWN that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

Everything that was to my own profit I now consider trash in order to know that greatness of Christ and to be like him in his death and resurrection.

I think if Ezra were Paul's contemporary, he could have penned those exact words. And I think if Paul were my contemporary, he would speak the same words to me...

"Leanne, do you understand that your best is nothing compared to the righteousness of God? Do you not know that His business, His Kingdom, His Glory, is worth your entire life? In fact, your life is not enough to show His worth. But try. Keep being about God's business in this kingdom that you live in. Nothing you thought was good is good in light of God's goodness. But by His grace, He has accepted you and let you be a part of what He is doing. And He will direct the heart of Kings to be a part of what He is doing. But not because of you, and not for your benefit. For His."

Like the title of this blog admits, these are only thoughts. There is no clear direction or motivation behind my writing today. It struck me that I'd just prayed for favor and God immediately shows me a man who was shown God's favor because he was unashamedly about the business of God's glory. How that fits into finding favor at work, I don't know. But what I do know is that I should continue to seek God first and only in all matters of my heart and world. If His glory is my first priority, then at least I'm looking in the right direction.

I hope this finds you looking in the right direction today, even if what you're looking at seems a little blurry.

A discipline of boasting

2011-08-05T06:40:00.000-07:00

In my reading this morning, I came across an ancient directive: "The person who wishes to boast should boast only of what the Lord has done." Then I decided that I wanted to read the directive in the original context, so I went back to first mention of it and this is what I found:

"Let not the wise man gloat in his wisdom, or the mighty man in his might, or the rich man in his riches. Let them boast in this alone: That they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord who is just and righteous, whose love is unfailing, and that I delight in these things."

According to www.dictionary.com, to boast means

"to speak in exaggerated or excessively proud terms of one's possessions,skills, or superior qualities; brag".

Then I thought that maybe I need to think about what I'm speaking in proud terms about, even if I'm only speaking to myself. Some things that come to mind that I boast about are my husband (I really do think he's amazing and quite capable, and sometimes even better than other people's husbands), my own common sense or "wisdom", my ideals and abilities as a parent, the people I've known in the past and their "high" opinion of me, the way I've chosen to live my life, although not perfect, it has kept me safe from a lot of hardship, and the list goes on and on. I am not without the allusion that I am the one who has brought good things to my life.

But that's not true. Although I have wisdom and riches (and FYI, if you live in the United States, you have riches even if you think you're poor) and strength, my boasting is not to be in those things. I need to practice the discipline of boasting in the fact that I know the Lord. I need to be unashamed to speak proudly of my God and the things I have seen him accomplish. My voice should be lifted up to tell people that my God loves justice and goodness and unfailing love. He is a God who saves and redeems. He is a God who works the impossible and shows patience.

He is a God who has changed the generational lineage of my family from faithless to faithful. He has called my generation to himself and to His ministry. He has broken behaviors and habits and ugliness and continues to do so within my brothers and sister...and He will continue to do so in the coming generations (he promises that he would be with the generations of those who trust him for a thousand generations).

He is a God who has instilled justice in the hearts of many and has taught me right from wrong. He loves justice and mercy, and He wants his people to live in unfailing love instead of judgement and hatred.

My God has redeemed the sin of a family I know. He has brought beauty and salvation to their household and chosen them to show justice and love to an orphaned child. Only the one true God can work that kind of change from deep betrayal.

My God loves everyone. He is the originator of NO H8 (whether we are comfortable with that or not).

My God is the God who can work miracles...still today...whether I struggle to believe it or not.

My God protects me.

My God knew when we left New Orleans in 2006 that He would bring us back and continue to bring personal change to our lives. He is still changing us today and making us into the people He wants us to be.

He is beyond any good thing I could ever do. My "best" is like trash compared to what He is and is capable of.

My God has a plan for my life, for my family's life and for my children's lives. He is a faithful leader, a tender friend and a worthy confidant.

He is good and his love lasts forever.

And that isn't even tapping into all that is good and true about Him. I wish my mouth and mind were more open to speak His praises, and perhaps with practice, I'll become better at it. But for now, this is where I leave it.

I encourage you to think of the good things God has done. Let's stop thinking about ourselves and hat we've done or what we think we will do. Even if you don't have a "good" relationship with God, you can still give Him credit for something good. Anything good. After all, he is the giver of all good gifts.

Unity

2011-08-04T06:17:00.000-07:00

"Now, dear brothers and sisters, I appeal to you by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ to stop arguing among yourselves. Let there be real harmony so there won't be divisions in the church. I plead with you to be of one mind, united in thought and purpose...Can Christ be divided into pieces?"

This was written two thousand years ago by a man named Paul. Paul was a persecutor of the Church and encouraged, if not participated in, the killings of countless Christians--he was called "Saul" at that time. Then he met Jesus (FYI, Jesus had already gone back to heaven). The story goes that he was struck blind, and this man who was so prideful and powerful, was at the mercy of his God (he was a devout Jew). It was in that time of blindness that he is recorded as hearing Jesus ask him, "Saul, why are you persecuting me?"

You see, Saul was serving the same God as the Christians...but he didn't know it. His God, Yahweh, was the same God who had planned from the beginning to send Jesus as a bridge for his people to get back to Him. He just didn't get the Jesus part yet.

I wonder if in those words he penned to the Corinthians, he felt a pang of guilt as a one-time persecutor of Christ and divider of the one true God. He thought he was doing the right thing by persecuting God's people. He wasn't, and luckily, God thought Him worthy enough to point out the error of his ways.

And I wonder how many of us can see and understand, if God deems us worthy enough to show us, the ways in which we have "divided Christ" in our own lives. Have we spoken against an ex-church? Or ex-church member? Or the methods of a certain denomination? Have we argued about unimportant things (especially having to do with buildings or rules instead of people)? Have we looked down on those who follow strict rules as a part of their faith? Have those with strict rules looked down on those who live in the law of freedom and moderation? I've done all of those things.

Do we forget Christ? Do we get so lost in our pitiful, limited, human ideas of who God is and who the true Church is, that we lose the story? Because it is a beautiful story. It is a story of separation and loss. A story of forgiveness and redemption. A story of love and sacrifice. A story of grace and beauty. When we divide Christ, we take away from that story--God's story.

To be united in thought and purpose is what will cause God's Church to rise up among the noise. Let me encourage you today, along with the words of Paul, whether church leader, church member, or churchless, to seek out Unity under the veil of Christ. Seek people who seek God, who seek peace and who seek unity with fellow believers.

The value of life

2010-09-23T11:37:00.000-07:00

Last week, during one of my visits with Ms Betty*, she was telling me about her best friend from childhood. The focus of the conversation ended up being not on the friend's life or their friendship, but on the woman's oldest son. He wasn't like every other boy on the block. He had cerebral palsy, much like this beautiful young lady...

As I listened to his story, I was inspired. He was without the use of the majority of his body. Not many people could understand his speech if they were not accustomed to him. He was, by our standards, broken. But he would not let that deter him. In fact, when he finished high school, he decided that he wanted to go to college at LSU. It took a year for him to meet the special requirements they gave him for admission. His were requirements that we wouldn't even think of as applicable to a college admissions process, such as using the bathroom and bathing without help, brushing his own teeth, making it to class on his own.

But he did it. And he graduated. When he took his (st)roll across the stage for his diploma, he received a well-deserved standing ovation. But that wasn't enough for him. He became a successful business man, he wrote a book that somehow, by the way, was never published...I would like to know how an inspirational book written by this man never made it to a Barnes & Noble bookshelf. But I digress. Not only was he successful independently, but he was successful in love. He met a beautiful woman, fell in love, got married, and ended up outliving his wife. The only thing this many couldn't accomplish by shear power of his will was to have children...something Ms Betty believes he still regrets.

The interesting thing about the turn our conversation took this day was one of the news headlines of the day. It seems there was a man who got so angry about his daughter (who has cerebral palsy) being made fun of incessantly on her bus and in school, that he took matters into his own hands. What loving father wouldn't?

You can read the article and think about all that on your own, but the conclusion Ms. Betty drew for me in our time together that day is that (this is a paraphrase) everyone has gifts that should be realized. God did not create everyone to be the same. He made us different for a reason. Even diseased and handicapped (those effected by the natural messiness of our world) have gifts and abilities that God will use. God is bigger than their disability and his power to overcome can be seen in the determination of this man who made it across that LSU stage for his diploma...and in the ability of a 13 year old girl to go back to school, day after day, as she is mocked for something she has no power to control.

Life is valuable. All life. And we need to make sure we teach our children, our coworkers, our employees, our family and our friends to value each person who crosses our paths. We should teach it by example and by exposure. We should love as best we know how...always.

*name changed to protect privacy

For more information on Cerebral Palsy, please visit www.UCP.org

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

2010-09-20T08:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I picked up a book at LAX and was actually able to read a lot of it on the plane thanks to Bella's exhaustion from our 2 day trip to SoCal! Maybe you've heard of it...Animal Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver.

It's a bestseller and in the same vein as In Defense of Food and The Omnivore's Dilemma. My husband has read the latter of the two, but I wasn't really interested. I picked up Kingsolver's book because it was not only about being healthy and eating naturally, but it's also the story of how her family of four picked up and actually DID IT (I'm a sucker for Memoirs). They moved from Tucson to a family farm in Virginia and actually made living off the land a family value. They raised chickens, planted and harvested seasonally, bought only local goods, and stuck it to the proverbial man.

I love Kingsolver's storytelling style. She's engaging while being incredibly informative and passionate. I was appalled at some of the facts I had to digest, not the least of which is the involvement of certain companies in producing, trademarking and regulating seed for the food we eat.

This book is becoming a call to action for me, much like The Omnivore's Dilemma was for Christopher. I am being challenged to only shop local and to do everything in my power to provide the most natural and seasonally appropriate food I can for my family.

If you're interested in learning more about this book or getting involved in the movement to reclaim our food, check out Barbara Kingsolver or Slow Food USA. And, of course, I'm happy to continue the conversation publicly or privately (LeanneLytle@gmail.com).

Thanks for reading!

Give that little girl lots of memories

2010-09-14T17:43:00.001-07:00

There's nothing that will put life in perspective like looking into the kind eyes of a slow, imminent death.

Don't panic, it's not my death I'm talking about.

You may or may not know that my current get-me-through-with-some-kind-of-income job is as a non-medical caregiver. The latest client I've been assigned to is a wonderfully creative and kind-hearted 80-something year old woman who's been diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus. She went to the Doctor's office feeling pretty healthy, but left with the knowledge of aggressive form of cancer taking hold of her body. She's going to die. She knows she's going to die. She lives everyday knowing she will die.

From my first visit last Thursday when I asked her if there was anything I could do around the house, she looked at me with a peaceful, yet telling smile and said, "No, I think we'll let all that wait until later. Let's just spend some time getting to know each other." I knew it was a diplomatic way of saying, "None of that really matters anymore, you know? All that matters now is you and me. Not the laundry. Not the floors. Nothing but the time we have left to be friends."

Because everyone is her friend. She has a family who is always visiting and checking on her. A son and daughter who adore her and want nothing more than to protect her from the diseased cells filling up her esophagus.

Today she was telling me about her family, her children and her life. She talked about all the wonderful memories she has and commented that, "All life is is making memories. It's all memories." Then she turned from her audience in the air, leaned toward me, looked me straight in the eye and said, "You give that little girl of yours lots of memories, okay?"

Well, after a morning filled with complete emotional breakdown and sobbing prayers to God that he would give me a job and help us get more income, and of course a regular babysitter to watch Bella while we make money, the only thing I could do as tears began to well up in my eyes was to say, "Yes ma'am". I will.

And forget about the bills I can't pay. Forget about the time wasted worrying or being emotionally distant or unavailable. Forget about the trivial and remind myself everyday of the important. To love. To show kindness. To forgive. To pray. To laugh. To sing. To dance. To enjoy.

To make memories.

Because in the end, that's all I will have.

Let's Move

2010-09-11T05:38:00.000-07:00

As a lover of this great city of New Orleans, and as someone who believes in the benefits of healthy living, I currently find myself engrossed in a developing vision of what it would look like to completely change the way New Orleans does health.

Louisiana is in the top 5 obese states in the nation, with a 31% obesity rate. And up to 65% of the state can be counted as either overweight or obese. New Orleans is absolutely reflective of these statistics and it's time to change something!

Michele Obama is on a quest to challenge the entire nation to reverse the trend in childhood obesity and she stopped in Slidell (a town neighboring New Orleans) this week. She wanted to encourage a school that has been doing health right...

I want her to be able to say these things to AnySchool, New Orleans. So the question becomes, how do we do this?

There are various national groups trying to motivate and make change, such as Play60 and Playworks, but there are countless opportunities that we (local citizens and business owners) miss by allowing these organizations to do all the work for us. I have a friend who is a disgruntled parent and personal trainer, wishing for a healthier school day for her kids. I have the ability to use my Beachbody business and our aspiring Community Center as a platform for doing good in the school system. Other fitness businesses in New Orleans could come together to encourage our children and families to get healthier by offering incentives for joining, getting out in the community to motivate, offering free or next to free public services, etc.

But who is moving? Who is leading this united community-wide charge against the cycle of obesity? I suppose if I'm the one with the dream, I should lead the charge. And I'm sure there are others like me who have already begun moving within their circles of influence. And if not, then maybe this will be their call to action...as well as my own.

Let's Move, New Orleans!

And P.S. If you are reading this, and you are local and/or interested in what I'm saying, please contact me. Let's get this conversation started.

Holistic Evolution

2010-09-02T10:14:00.000-07:00

As anyone who knows me knows, I am a believer in growing and changing in every manner of living. I have been reminded of this during my unexpected illness this last week.

I don't get sick. Ever. My husband gets sick. My daughter gets sick. I don't. When I get sick enough to need a Doctor or medication, there's usually an underlying reason that I needed to be laying in my bed with no energy nor opportunity to do anything but reflect on the direction of my life.

So that's what I've been doing over the past week. It took me until Monday (I started feeling sick on Wednesday night) to realize that perhaps I was missing something. Granted, I was sick over the 5 year anniversary weekend of Katrina, so reflecting really wasn't something I would have avoided altogether over those days. But the problem is that I can reflect without taking action. I can see things I'm not happy with and not take a turn to change them. Well, luckily, Monday, my body wasn't feeling any differently than it had been, and then I finally realized that maybe my body was stopping me in my tracks so I could finally DO SOMETHING to change my life instead of being disgruntled with what may or may not have happened in the past while using the present busyness to distract myself from dealing with that hurt or anger.

This all has also coincided with the loss of my iPhone.

Granted, I chose to give it up because, really, my lifestyle certainly does not mandate an iPhone. I have the internet at home...and I'm home at least half the time. I don't need to have everything in the palm of my hand and be constantly distracted from anything and everything happening around me. I'm sure it's my own issue with self-control or impulse managementl, but I was constantly looking at something on that screen. The other day I rode in the car for the first time since getting my iPhone with my feet on the dash, staring out the window, noticing the things around me instead of wondering what I was missing on Facebook or Craigslist or my inbox. It was nice.

And frankly, I'd rather give up my iPhone than give up the ability to see what's in front of me...or the joy of seeing new roads I could turn onto if only I wasn't looking down and on auto-pilot all the time.

Sore and happy

2010-08-21T07:24:00.000-07:00

Good Saturday Morning, fellow Evolutionaries!

I woke up this morning thinking I'd go for a run, but after feeling the effects of the Shakeology 50 minute workout, I decided I would let my body rest!

It's been a long time since my body has felt a workout so much! I can't tell you how good it feels. Seriously. You know the sore feeling you have after you ate too much or slept the wrong way or have been on your feet all day? That's not the kind of sore this is. This is the kind of sore that says (coming from my muscles), "Hey...we enjoyed that and you don't use us enough! Let's do that again!"

I like that kind of sore. How about you?

Get sore with me!

I'll write more later this weekend. For now, there's a barking dog, a hungry daughter and a lot more Saturday morning chores! Thanks for reading!

Back, and better than ever!

2010-08-18T21:27:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm constantly changing, I'm terrible at making decisions and I don't land in the same place for very long. I'm inconsistent, I'm moody and I'm not very driven (when it comes to work, anyway). If you've followed my blog, you know that it also ebbs and flows with the waves of my whimsy. I may blog everyday, and then you may not see me for months.

But now I'm back.

Not only am I back, but I've decided to take a step in my own personal development. There is one thing in my journey that has remained consistent since 2001, and that's my personal journey of health and fitness. So now, through an opportunity with Team Beach Body, not only am I choosing to build a life and business from my personal health journey, but I am attempting to bring an entire city with me.

Don't get me wrong; New Orleans has some great gyms and personal training facilities, but as a whole, we are one of the most unhealthy cities in the United States. We are obese, we are overweight, and we are feeding our children the wrong things as they follow in our footsteps of lethargy and complacency. We are happy, yes...but we are killing ourselves.

This blog will continue to be a reflection of my journey...whatever it may be on a given day. But my journey is now grander...the vision broader...and the challenge much greater. I hope you will join me, whether as a reader, a supporter or a fellow advocate of the health of this great city.

Thanks for continuing along this road with me!

Lingering thoughts from a loony king.

2010-02-04T05:26:00.000-08:00

Since coming home to New Orleans, I've been part of a group of ladies studying the book of Daniel. Words cannot express how ideal the timing of this study is for me. To enter a study of Babylon while transitioning from a time in which I felt a lot of me was lost--lost to materialism, lost to a calloused heart, lost to selfish motivations--has been refreshing, eye-opening and wholly challenging.

When I got to the end of chapter 3 (the story of the 3 in the furnace), I was asked what might have been surprising to me about this story. Understand that I've heard this tale ad nauseam since I was a small child, so, unfortunately, it is not surprising to me that a mysterious fourth figure appeared in the fire. It is also not surprising to me that the 3 (along with their clothing) did not burn, even though the soldiers who threw them into the fire did indeed die because the fire was so hot. What was surprising to me this time around was the response of the King who ordered them thrown into the fire.

Rewind with me for a moment. This was not the King's first encounter with the One True God. Many years prior, the king had a dream that could only be interpreted by a messenger of the One True God. None of his other magicians or astrologers or wise men could tell him about his dream; only Daniel was given godly insight to explain the meaning. The King then, as a result, fell down to the ground in worship of Daniel (read carefully: in worship of DANIEL), proclaiming that Daniel's God was the greatest God--"the Lord over Kings."

But his admission was not to be taken as a submission.

Back to our original story. Years later, faced with another miraculous experience, the King again proclaims the greatness of this God. After the 3 emerge from the fire, the King decrees that there is no God like the God of the 3, and he orders that if anyone should speak against this One True God, that man should die. But again, his admission was not a reflection of his own personal submission. You see, this was my surprise. This great king, to whom God had revealed his absolute power time and again, was ready to defend the One True God, but he was not prepared to rescind his image of himself as the One Great King. He would acknowledge this God of Power, see him as at least equal to himself and worthy of the worship of his subjects, but the king himself would not bow.

And here I am, declaring there is a God in Heaven who is powerful. There is a God with a plan. There is a God who is Mighty and works on behalf of His people. I am echoing the words of the King: "There is no other god who can rescue like this!" I believe it. I know that it is true because I've seen this God act.

But will my knee bow? Is my admission of God's greatness with my mouth a reflection of the submission of my life, heart and pride, or simply a statement of intellectual understanding? Do I think I am God's equal? Obviously I know God is greater, but do I believe it enough to humiliate all of myself under his good and all-powerful hand?

The jury is still out. Of course I want to be in that place of great self-abasement, but I'm not. I want to be comfortable. I don't want to fight my own desires. I want to feed them. Deny myself? What on earth do you mean? I am rich. I am powerful. I am, and there is no other.

God is worth worship, but is he worth my worship? I don't mean on Sunday. I mean everyday. Every action and every motivation of my heart. Can I lower myself so that His glory can be seen instead of my own tainted, rotting image of myself?

I sure hope so. I certainly don't want to follow the path of that king. You can read Daniel 4 on your own to find out what I'm talking about. But I guess if that's what it takes, it would be worth it in the end.

Historical context

2009-09-11T14:21:00.001-07:00

A Heart for the City: Section 1
How important is it for missionaries and/or pastors to study and know the history of the cities they are ministering within?

When I first met my husband, I hardly knew him. I liked him, of course, but I didn't really know him. Through the years, I've gained a deeper understanding and appreciation of who he is; part of that understanding has come from getting to know his family. By family, I don't simply mean the people who make up the family tree; I'm referring to the stories, the hardships, the joys and the pains of family life. And the more I learn about where he has come from, the better equipped I am to respond to his needs today.

Cities are no different than my husband.

Choose any city and you will find some sort of allure or charm. There are beautiful buildings, big businesses, funky shops, great art, amazing music. There are also addictions, violence, broken families, lonely people. And each city is different, having its own distinct set of strengths and weaknesses.

In order for me (or you), as community servants, to appreciate those strengths and, more importantly, to address the weaknesses of the city, mustn't we understand the heart of the city first? It is absolutely essential to realize the truth about a person or a place before trying to step in to offer assistance. Otherwise, our efforts are futile and we are creating more problems than we are solving. Briefly, a few of the things that will happen if we neglect our city's history are:

* Answering needs that don't exist. We might base our "service" on something we've done or seen done elsewhere, completely missing...or dismissing...the actual needs of the immediate community.

*We will disrespect the people we have come to help. Cities are made of people. The history of the city is the history of those people, and if we don't take the time to understand their personal histories, let alone their collective history, then we have thoroughly missed the point.

*We are only serving ourselves. We say we are trying to help others, but simply put, all we want is to feel good about ourselves and what we are "doing".

If you (or I) are working in community service, we should be experts on our communities. We must take ownership of our cities. This obviously means knowing all the current statistics and trends. It means knowing your neighbors. It means knowing what's happening in your schools, synagogues and city halls. It also means knowing where you've come from (because you must consider the city's story as part of your own story). What are the events that shaped your city? What cultures influenced the founders of the city? What tragedies has the city survived? What does the city celebrate? What does it mourn? What is it good at? Has it always been good at it? Has it overcome obstacles? Has it struggled with the same obstacles since it's inception? Why? There are a host of other questions we could ask here, but you get the point. We must be intimately involved with the cities we serve, and that means knowing as much as we can about the people and their history.

This is especially important for anyone whose motivation for community service is faith or religion (I will use Christianity because that is my experience). Trying to help a city without knowing that city is incredibly presumptuous...especially for someone of faith. Service for the Christian should be out of humility, driven by grace and a deep appreciation for what Christ came to do on this earth. We are to follow His example.

Scripture tells us that when Christ was met with the diseased, the blind, the promiscuous, etc., he didn't only meet the presenting need. He also forgave sins, encouraged faith, and extended grace that no one else could...or would. He was able to do this because he knew what was behind the requests for help. He saw the deepest needs and He met them. He was (is), in essence, their Creator.

Now, keep in mind, those deepest needs aren't always the most obvious or accessible. They are needs that sometimes only their Creator, or someone who is very close with their Creator, could know. This is why faith-driven community servants must be incredibly humble, seeking as much understanding as they can--from God, but also from every resource possible. God already knows where the city has been (and where it's going); however, He will probably not lay out complete histories for us during our prayers when we could simply walk to the computer or drive over to the library. We must take the steps. We must do the work. We must make it our mission to know and understand as much as we can about our cities.

Why?

Well, because you and I are not God. We need to remember that we are not God (something easily forgotten by those of us who like to "fix" things). And in order to meet the real needs, we've got to do the work, search for the answers, see what is actually there underneath all the layers of city-life. And the more truth we collect, about both God and our cities, the better equipped we will be to handle the deepest needs.

Just like Jesus did.

A Heart for the City

2009-09-09T23:38:00.000-07:00

For those of you who live in a city--an urban epicenter--you might understand me when I talk about falling in love with a city. Maybe you were a tourist who found a home in your favorite vacation spot. Perhaps you were a suburban or rural kid who'd always dreamed of living in the "big city". Whatever it was, there was something that lured you into the city life. For me, I think the fascination was of being a part of something bigger than myself. Cities are where life happens. There's diversity. There's change. There's growth. There's trend-setting. In short, there's life...life to the fullest, if you will.

For Christians, or even for the casual church-goer, there might be a connection of the idea, "life to the fullest," to the teachings of Jesus Christ. If you trust the account of his followers, we are told that Jesus said he would bring us life as it was meant to be. Life to it's fullest. Complete life. He promised--and delivered--this to the people who encountered him here on earth. And if you are a follower of His, maybe He's delivered on this promise to you as well.

Somewhere along the line, these two pieces, the city and Christ, have been completely disconnected. Today's Christians have missed the point. We have believed God's promises insofar as they apply to us. We have forgotten about living to the fullest. Half the Christians I know spend their lives trying to hide from the world instead of living boldly within it. The city scares them because it's where most of the sin lives (go figure...most of the people live there too).

The Jesus I know is not afraid of the city. He loves the city. One of the most poignant pictures I have seen in the Gospel is that of Jesus, standing above the city of Jerusalem, weeping and mourning for the people because they were so lost. So hurting. So confused by the world around them. So entirely like me...and like you.

If only we could develop the compassion of Christ. If only we could stand on a hill overlooking our nearest cities and see the needs instead of the depravity. Are we capable of seeing what Christ sees? Can we look through the facades to see the hurting? Can we catch a glimpse of the hearts God has created so that we can help reconcile those hearts with their Maker?

Instead of running. Instead of judging. Instead of ignoring.

I, for one, am interested in giving this a try. My blog has taken many shapes over the last year...mostly to keep me on track with whatever goal I need motivation to reach. This segment will be a bit different because I will be responding to a book in essay form. The book? A Heart for the City. The authors? Those who've given their lives to serving a city. Edited by John Fuder. Read along if you want. I look forward to your comments to challenge me along this journey.

Thanks for reading.

A toast to my friend...reception teaser. :o)

2009-04-18T23:19:00.000-07:00

When I first met Tara in high school, never did I dream that I would be standing in the wedding of such a loud, gaseous, and slightly obnoxious teenage girl from Northern Harford County. Yet, here we are, 13(ish) years later and I have the honor of toasting my beautiful friend and her new husband.

When Tara first told me about this guy she'd met while she was at home visiting, I knew there was something special about him. He understood Tara in a way that no other person could, and he barely even knew her yet. I knew he was going to be one to watch out for.

Jonathan, you are, without a doubt, the man God has created for Tara. And Tara, your heart has always belonged to Jonathan. He is your match.

And now we raise our glasses in celebration and blessing to the new Mr and Mrs Jonathan Rasmussen. May the light of friendship guide your paths together. May the laughter of children grace the halls of your home. May the joy of living for one another bring a smile to your lips and a twinkle from your eye. May the Spirit of Love find a dwelling place in your hearts always. And may our God be your constant joy and strength. We love you. To Jonathan and Tara!

Looking for comments

2009-03-31T13:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, so the grocery game isn't really my thing. But I've thought about making it my thing a couple of times. Then last Thursday, I went to a church workshop that talked about utilizing the Grocery Game to save money in order to give away more of what we have.

A lot of people know that health is important to me. I fail at it many times, but it is, nonetheless, an important part of my life and in the forefront of my mind (even when I'm eating a half gallon of ice cream).

I've also had numerous conversations with various individuals prior to and since this particular workshop regarding the benefits of going organic. There is a ton of information out there about the things that are put into our food, the way our food (in animal form) is treated and why we should avoid things with refined sugars, hormones, etc. and eat as many raw and unprocessed foods as possible.

So here's my question. If you are a Christian, or Spiritual at the least, what do you think: Should your family eat the cheapest food you can find so you can give money away, or should you spend a little more on the products that are known to be better for them and, quite frankly, take into consideration the treatment of God's creation (whether it's your body or that of the cow that produced the milk you're putting into it)?

This is a tough question and I have a feeling there will be all kinds of opinions. But I'm honestly interested in your opinion, so let 'er rip!

My house is a mess and so am I

2009-03-23T20:59:00.001-07:00

My current Facebook status says, "Leanne isn't sure if it's good or bad." That's one of those ambiguous jr. high kind of things to say, but that's how I'm feeling about my life right now. The last couple weeks have been like a roller coaster for me and I honestly can't tell you if it's a good thing or a bad thing. My house is a mess, my brain is even more of a mess, my body's in terrible condition, my self-control is nil, my purpose is unclear and I can't find anything that brings me fulfillment.

I sat outside staring up at the sky crying for a while tonight. It's the first time in a very long time that I've felt that free. Like I was the only person in the world and the space was full of God-like substance instead of smog and noise. It was nice. I mean, I didn't get any answers, but it was good to just be broken for a little while with nothing that I had to try to hold together.

And maybe that's a good place to be. Maybe I need to be able to cry and to know that there's space for God to let me cry. It's one thing to cry. It's another thing to cry out. Crying out takes an admittance of failure, or at the very least, weakness. Crying can be a response to anything from fear to self-pity to anger to hurt feelings...and it can easily turn into bitterness. And those tears can last a while before coming to the point of crying out. They may never make it to that point for some people. But crying out...that's when something starts to happen. When Job started crying out, God started talking back. When David cried out, God considered him a man after His own heart. When Jesus cried out, his final breath was expelled. And then 3 days later, he rose up from the dead.

Here's hoping for new life.

Hello, Old Friend

2009-03-17T07:45:00.000-07:00

This morning, I decided to check out all the "new" comments to my blog...you know...all the ones from the last 3 months. I honestly didn't think that I would pick this up again. I'm a seasonal doer of anything. I do it for a while and then I stop. But I've had some people ask me when I would be blogging again, so for today, I'm back.

We celebrated Isabella's 2nd birthday yesterday. She's growing into a beautiful, fun and sweet little girl. We spent most of the afternoon at the beach. This is, of course, after we spent 2 hours looking for parking. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but I've never spent more than 5 minutes looking for parking at Seal Beach. We spent what felt like hours driving past full parking spots and No Parking on Monday signs only to end up in the pay parking lot with a pay machine that would not accept my credit card. An old surfer told me that apparently that part of the contraption wasn't working yet and I could go to the ATM at the liquor store. After leaving the parking lot and almost coming to blows with the ATM at said liquor store because it didn't want to read my card the first 5 times I swiped it, I got my $20, quietly returned to the passenger seat of the car and we returned to the parking lot.

Returning to the payment machine with my $20 in hand, I thought I'd have my parking ticket in no time. Wrong. I put the bill in the machine. Twice. Fail. Fail. Then some nice people came up behind me, and I switched bills with them. Fail. Again. And again. And again. So I asked if they would like to go ahead of me so that I can find the man patrolling with the ticket book, explain to him my sob story and pay him the whole flipping $20 (it's only $6 to park all day) just so he won't give me what's probably a $100 ticket for parking illegally...which, by the way, we were about to do.

Because God knew that I was about to hurt someone, he sent a nice man in a red truck to the ladies at the payment machine. The man offered them his all day parking ticket. They had already gotten their ticket, so they yelled over to me that he was giving up his ticket. I walked over to the lady with the ticket in her hand, thanked her profusely, threw the ticket on the dash of my car and went about my day incident-free.

And not only was it homicide-free, it was actually enjoyable. Bella loved playing in the water. She was soaked and so was I after the myriad of "Come on, Mommy"'s I got from her at water's edge. We took some breaks from the waves to dig in the sand and fly her kite (which Daddy put together and held most of the time). After a couple hours of that, we got some lunch at the NY pizza shop on Main Street. I call it a shop because it feels like a real pizza shop. It's super good. Bella enjoyed her pesto pizza and lemonade, as well as the fruit snacks she was given by the pizza man.

Last night, a couple of friends came over unexpectedly for Bella's birthday cake which was fun for the girls (and boy) as well as the parents. This was a good impromptu party considering I must have been delusional planning Bella's party for a Saturday. But more on that later.

Happy St. Patrick's Day. I'm off to prepare Bella for a different kind of birthday treat...her 2 year Doctor's visit. Woot.

2009

2009-01-01T01:54:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year!

I promise there will be more to come from my blog soon. It's been a very busy Holiday Season which is now quickly turning into a season of moving into a new home. We are very busy, and quite honestly, I've not done a great job of staying on track since Christmas hit. Fortunately, a new year begins now, and I will continue on my journey to being a whole, healthy and happy person in this new year! And you are still invited to join me. :o)

Love and best wishes on this New Year's Dawning,

Leanne

P.S. Please give a warm welcome to my Little Seester. She's brand new to the blogging world and would appreciate a little love and encouragement. Welcome, Seester. I look forward to sharing the blogosphere with you!

2009, Here we come!

2008-12-21T22:01:00.000-08:00

I apologize to all my readers. I have been so busy since Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, the first thing to go is my blogging and facebook time. Here's a quick update since I doubt I will be on much in the next week!

Master Cleanse Days 3-5 were amazing. The first 2 days sucked. I had the worst headache in the world. But once I got over that, it was great. It was nice to get a break from food for a while and be reminded that there are other things that can bring joy and ecstasy besides chocolate. I would encourage anyone to do a cleanse like this, even if it's only for a couple of days.

I'm eagerly awaiting Christmas. I've been enjoying this Holiday Season more than I can remember any in recent past (well, since 2004 anyway). We've had out-of-town guests, many parties and lots of preparation for said parties. We have enjoyed being with our friends, and I've enjoyed having my sister-in-law in town this last month. Bella gets to play with her cousins ("Con-Con" and "Baby") and I get to have someone in the family who I can talk to and share interests with. Bella and I will both be sad when they head back to Washington this week.

I still have a bit more shopping to do and another (expensive) package to ship out tomorrow. If it were any other time of year, I could name hundreds of things I'd rather spend money on than shipping. But for Christmas, it's always worth the expense.

Christopher and I turned in our security deposit today for a house we will be renting beginning in a little less than a month. We are very excited since it's much closer to his office, our friends and the beach. Oh, and it's a HOUSE. As our friend, Lori, says, "no shared walls". Even though we'll still be renters, we're moving up in the world with our own 4 walls, garage, yard and washer/dryer hook-ups. I can't begin to express how much I am looking forward to 2009.

I feel like I haven't felt in years. I see God moving in ways I've been blinded to as of late. I am finally excited about the possibilities that could be waiting just around the bend. And I think I can say that I actually like my life. That feels very good.

So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get my book out of the car and read more about its Aspergian author before resting my weary eyes on this cold California evening. Oh, and here's a little something for the Christmas season.

Cleanse Days 1 & 2

2008-12-12T12:55:00.000-08:00

This is pretty much how I felt most of the day yesterday:

I've fasted before, but this really is different. I guess all that freshly squeezed lemon juice helps clean my insides just like it cleans everything else in my house.

It takes me about 1/2 hour each morning to prepare my "lemonaid". First I have to squeeze all the lemons (about 7 or 8), then measure the syrup and the cayenne pepper, pour it all into the pitcher and add water up to the 2L line. Then drink. All day long.

I'm learning that part of my problem is that I've stopped drinking enough water. I used to drink a ton of water, but after yesterday, I'm pretty sure that I need to be drinking more. Of course, my other problem is that I can eat an entire box of cookies at one time. That being said, I'm formulating some goals for when I begin eating again. I'm not sure if I want to share them or not yet (or at all) since it's such a personal thing right now, but I can say that I only want to reintroduce things that are healthy and helpful for my body. I also want to make cleansing a regular habit so that if I start to fall into unhealthy habits, I have a check system built into my schedule.

With that being said, I will not go pour another glass of lemonaid and drink it as quickly as I can.

Side note: For those of you concerned for my lower half, it really hasn't been bad at all. I haven't had to worry about all those warnings I've read about being close to a toilet at all times. Not yet anyway. Maybe my body is different and that will all kick in tonight or tomorrow. We'll see. For now, I'm happily sitting on my chair and not my toilet.

Take 2

2008-12-10T23:37:00.000-08:00

Just before I began training for my 5K, I was planning to begin the Master Cleanse. Needless to say, I did not end up doing the cleanse. A few of you checked in with me just to make sure I wasn't crazy enough to do them at the same time (there's another word I want to use for the idea "at the same time"...it's a good word, but I'm too tired to think of it...do you know what word I might be thinking of?)

Well, anyway, tomorrow begins my cleanse. I need it. I am so looking forward to not eating for an undetermined amount of time. Don't worry. I won't do it longer than 10-12 days. I doubt I'll even go that long. But I never like to put time limits on this sort of stuff...I just see how I'm feeling and what I think I can handle, and I go with it.

It's the night before, and I just drank my tea. It was the detox tea I already had in the cupboard because I forgot to buy laxative tea at Trader Joe's today.

Note to self: This is the reason lists are important. Purchasing the supplies for the cleanse was the main goal of said excursion to Trader Joe's. How I missed the tea is beyond me.

Wish me luck. I will keep you up to date. It's entering a very busy season for me...and probably you as well...but I will try to blog at least every couple of days!

December 4th. Let's backtrack.

2008-12-07T07:54:00.000-08:00

My wedding took place on October 8th, 2005. But I don't like to celebrate that day. Not because I don't love my husband or I'm sad we got married, but because that's not the day that changed my life. The day that changed my life was December 4th, 2004. That's the day I had my first date with the man of my dreams. Afterward, I journalled every detail of what took place. And then it only took a month for me to realize that this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Christopher, here is to 4 years of being together, experiencing life, learning together, growing together, loving one another when it's hard and when it's easy. Here's to our beautiful baby girl, and here's to a future full of love, adventure and fun...oh, and a lot more answered prayers...just like this one:

I heard about this on the radio this morning.

2008-12-04T08:03:00.000-08:00

This.

Tell me what you think...

...I think I might want it for Christmas.

Check him out

2008-12-03T21:10:00.000-08:00

It seems I'm not the only blogger who's trying to get more healthy. My friend, Johnny just did his first triathlon. For those of you who feel, like me, that there's no way you'd ever be able to do a tri, check out his thoughts and feelings as a beginner simply trying to better himself.

Oh, and that thing about me not being able to do a tri...well, it's kinda true right now since I've barely just learned how to ride a bike in the last couple of years. Seriously. I've ridden on 2 different occasions, no more than 4 blocks at a time.

Chris Brown and 2 Toddlers

2008-12-03T09:48:00.000-08:00

I walked out the door this morning totally expecting to walk maybe 3 miles this morning. The funny thing about that is that the reason for it was more a lack of motivation than the ability of my body to run. But once I got to the end of our little cul-de-sac I decided I would start running; and that's all it took. I ran the entire 3.7 miles. I guess sometimes all I need to do is start. And that's enough to motivate me to keep going.

Now I'm sitting here listening to Chris Brown while two little girls play peek-a-boo behind me. I feel much better about myself than if I had not found it in me to run this morning. Although I may not get much work done today, I'm glad I at least accomplished something.

I hope you can find it in yourself to start something today. Even if you don't finish...at least you had the courage to start.

One quiet moment

2008-12-02T11:59:00.000-08:00

I have a feeling this Holiday season is going to go by incredibly fast. It's already December, I will be picking my Dad up at the airport in two hours, Phil has already come and gone, the Christmas Tree is up (and I'm still cleaning up the mess from that). I spent almost a month completely focused on getting ready to run 3 miles, and now I'm finding it difficult to prioritize waking up in the morning...let alone waking up early enough to get a good run in! I'm eating out of stress and convenience, which many of you know is NEVER a good thing for me. I haven't gotten any work done in the last week and I'm barely keeping up with my housework. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not even keeping up with that. Just ask my husband.

So for now, I have one quiet moment in which to reflect and to connect with you out there in cyberland. I hope you are not feeling as crazy as I am right now. I hope you are finding time for yourself, for exercise, for your family, for your friends, for laughter and for joy. I hope you are not one of those people whose joy is sucked dry because of the hectic nature of the Holiday Season. I know that for me, although it is hectic, it is my favorite time of year. I love the soft glow of Christmas lights in my house, the faint scent of pine in the air, the hussle and bussle of shopping (whether online or in the stores), finding the perfect gift(s) and wrapping them neatly to place under the tree. I hope to continue with my training as I enjoy the Holiday Season, and I hope to share my struggles and victories with you along the way. So until the next quiet moment I'm able to eek out of the craziness, have a wonderful day and enjoy the cool, brisk winter air!

Dear Readers,

2008-11-29T18:52:00.000-08:00

Angelo is right. I do owe you an update from Thanksgiving. It has been a busy few days. Phil came into town Wednesday evening, we hosted Thanksgiving and, well, Phil is still here. That means constant party and no sleep...and no time for internet.

Regardless, let me get to the point. I ROCKED the Turkey Trot! As I stated in an earlier post, I certainly did not win the race. The first runner was returning as I was still in the first mile, but that doesn't matter. I finished. It took me approximately 45 minutes. It's hard to say exactly how long it took because Tanya and I didn't get there until 7:30 (when the race was starting). We had to get our numbers and we probably started about 10-15 minutes late. The clock at the finish line read 53 minutes when I passed it.

I'm quite proud of myself because I haven't given up on running now that the TT is over. I ran 2.5 miles this morning and plan to keep at it. I've been informed there is another race the week of Christmas, so I may sign up for it.

Thank you all for encouraging me and walking with me as I change my personal habits and strive toward better living. I appreciate each of you and am especially glad to know that some of you have been encouraged to be healthier just by reading my blog. I hope that will continue! Thanks again!

Sincerely,

Leanne
#1295

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T13:58:00.000-08:00

These past couple of days have been pretty busy. I've been moving furniture around, getting rid of a desk to make room for tomorrow, cooking, cleaning (well, I'm about to do that), as well as training for the Turkey Trot tomorrow morning. It's been a really great week and I'm highly excited that this is the beginning of the Holiday Season. I love the Holidays. I love that this is the first time we've felt settled enough to really make the Holidays our own. I can't wait to have family and friends at our house tomorrow for dinner. I look forward to spending tomorrow evening with our friends.

I've been training for almost a month now to be able to run this race tomorrow, but now that I've completed a 3.7 mile jaunt on my own, the excitement of that 3.1 miles isn't as great as I'd expected it to be! Regardless, I'm looking forward to saying that I've officially run my first 5K.

Well, as I said, it's been a busy few days, and that's not changed in the last 10 minutes. I still have a lot to get done and not enough time to do it in. Oh, and my phone is ringing.

Gotta go! Happy Thanksgiving!

A different kind of training

2008-11-23T23:03:00.000-08:00

A very short yet productive weekend is coming to a close.

Christopher and I had the challenge of taking care of two toddler girls this weekend. Bella's friend, Ellie spent the whole weekend with us so that her parents could enjoy a weekend away. They were like two peas in a pod.

This was Bella's first sleepover, and I think she enjoyed it. She got some practice sharing her Mommy with another little one, and she and Ellie enjoyed playing, giggling and watching movies (lots of movies) together. It was so fun that 45 minutes after I put them down for naps, I finally had to put them in separate rooms so they would actually go to sleep. Keith and Liana came to pick Ellie up around 7 and they were thoughtful enough to bring Christopher and I a bottle of wine complete with two wine glasses from one of the vineyards they visited. They also brought Bella back a purple tutu. Thank you, Dicksons!

Not only did I get some training in having multiple children this weekend, but I spent the majority of my free time researching and writing 3 articles for Wisegeek. This is (hopefully) the first step in a process of becoming one of their editors. Once they review the three articles I submitted today, they'll let me know if I fit their style or not. I've got my fingers crossed. Some of you know that deep down, I dream of becoming a writer. Honestly, I'm a little scared of that dream because, I don't know if you realize this, but it's a pretty easy dream to fail miserably at.

So we'll see what happens.

I didn't do any running today. You all know how Sunday mornings go. Christopher left before 6 this morning, and I wasn't getting up in the 5 o'clock hour two days in a row. I was hoping to get done with all my articles by 9 so I would still have some time to run around the block, but I didn't finish until almost 11. I'm okay with it. My sense of accomplishment from my writing totally rivals what I've been feeling after a run.

I hope you feel as satisfied with your weekend as I feel about mine. If not, well, there's always next week!

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

2008-11-22T07:14:00.001-08:00

This old adage from that Great Sage, the Tortoise is, in my estimation, categorically false. Let's look for a moment at what the experts have to say about the length of time a 5K should take.

Kilometer Chart

Kilometers	Miles	Fast	Moderate	Easy
1	0.62	7 min.	10 min.	12.5 min.
2	1.24	14 min.	20 min.	25 min.
3	1.86	21 min.	30 min.	37.5 min.
4	2.48	28 min.	40 min.	50 min.
5	3.11	35 min.	50 min.	62.5 min.
6	3.73	42 min.	60 min.	75 min.
7	4.35	49 min.	70 min.	87.5 min.
8	4.97	56 min.	80 min.	100 min.

The list goes on up to marathon lengths, but since I'm not there yet, I didn't see the point in pasting all of it in this post. Take the link if you're interested.

If you look at the 5K, you will see that it is a 3.11 mile jaunt that should take 50 minutes if you are walking at a moderate pace. After i got home this morning, I took the car's odometer out for a spin to see how far I went (I've extended my course to Downey, Florence, Woodruff and Firestone). That particular route is 3.7 miles. This 3.7 miles took me approximately 60 minutes to run this morning.

Now, understand that I'm not complaining that it took me the same amount of time to complete this at a run as it would take someone who was walking at a moderate pace. However, I am using this fact to illustrate my profound disagreance with the title of my post. I don't care who you are; you are not going to win a 3.11 mile 5K by running at a walker's pace. It's not going to happen. I'm happy to be able to complete it at my own pace of running. For me, it's an accomplishment and I'm proud of it. But I'm not going to win. No way. No how. Unless no one else shows up but a fat man with a short-legged poodle.

FYI, there was a different photo of the tortoise and the hare that I wanted to post, but thought it might be inappropriate. So if you are easily offended, don't take this link.

Thoughts on a cool morning

2008-11-21T08:26:00.000-08:00

So here's the break down for this morning:

10 minute walk (I had to let myself start slow...I was not very motivated)
15 minute jog
5 minute walk
15 minute jog
5 minute walk
15 minute jog (minus 1 or 2 minutes lost to stop lights)
Cooled down with a 5 minute walk around the block
Stretches, crunches, push-ups

And now here I sit with my glass of cranberry juice and my blog, sharing a few minutes of my morning with you, my loyal reader.

I feel like I'm having to start over almost daily. I'm really struggling with the way I handle food. This, in turn, has serious impact on my running, as well as the way I feel about myself. On the one hand, I'm proud of myself for getting up early and training my body to do what I want it to do. But on the other hand, there's are feelings of shame and disappointment for the things that I put into my body while I'm alone. I've been trying to figure out why I am (still) a closet eater, and the best I can come up with is that it's a bad habit left over from when I was a kid. I was alone a lot (especially at night since that's when my mom worked), and I remember that most nights I would lay in my mom's bed watching TV with either a bag of chips, a plate of cookies or a bowl of ice cream (or all three) to keep me company. Food was my friend, my companion, the thing that was always there for me. So now, as an adult, I find myself looking to food as a release from a bad day or as a way to celebrate a good day or simply as a way to not feel alone. This is highly disappointing and I wish it were not a part of who I am. But it is.

So for now, all I can do is continually give myself grace. I know that God gives me grace upon grace to cover my bad behavior, so who am I to withhold that grace from myself? It is not my job to judge myself (just like I'm not to judge others), so I will live everyday to the best of my ability. I will keep training and running and I will try to learn how to fill my heart and life with joys and comforts that are not edible.

Speaking of joys and comforts, my sweet daughter has just been woken up by her Daddy and is waiting for some breakfast. She is standing next to me saying, "Nummy, nummy." I guess that means I should bring this entry to a close and go about my Mommy-duties.

I do hope that this encourages some of you. I know our struggles may not be the same, but I think we all have areas in which we are less than our best, and it is to those areas that I speak today.

"Learn to limit yourself; to content yourself with some definite work; dare to be what you are and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not; and to believe in your own individuality."
-Henri Frederic Amiel (Swiss writer)

Bedtime update

2008-11-20T23:10:00.001-08:00

This is for those of you who've been eagerly awaiting my daily update.

I didn't run today. I woke up an hour late again, but I wasn't planning to run anyway. I was supposed to be doing my "spiritual training" this morning (more about that some other time), but not much of that happened either. I woke up with an awful sinus headache and that general grossness you feel when your body is fighting off the sickness your child is trying to give to you.

I'm feeling a little tired right now (after all, it is after 11pm), so I think I'm going to go to bed and pray that my body feels better in the morning and that I actually wake up on time tomorrow.

Sorry if this isn't as "inspirational" as some of my other posts. I'm not feeling all that inspiring right now. Here is a quote I ran across that you may or may not agree with...I won't say which category I fall under...but it might be food for thought. Feel free to let me know what you think about this sentiment.

Everything is created twice -- first mentally, then physically. --Greg Anderson

Something extra...

2008-11-19T20:29:00.000-08:00

Just because I love them too.

One week left until my carb-o-licious dinner

2008-11-19T20:03:00.001-08:00

A week from tonight, in addition to picking up my husband's best friend at the airport, I will be ingesting a "big plate of pasta" in preparation for my 5K the next morning. I'm looking forward to that. But that's not what I'm here to talk about right now.

This morning, I woke up late, but still went for a run. It was 40 (ish) minutes long and I ran for most of it. Actually, the run:walk ratio went something like this:

20 minute run (with a 1.5 minute stop at a red light)
5 minute walk
15 minute run, with 2 1-minute walks interspersed

I felt amazing after I ran this morning. That is, until I went to lunch. My mom, Bella and I went to Mambo Grill since we couldn't find any parking at Mimi's. This was quite disappointing because I knew exactly what I was going to order at Mimi's. This was not the case at Mambo. After perusing the menu for about 5 minutes, I decided to ask what was on the new sandwich they were offering.

Oh, what's that you say, David (the owner)? Slow-roasted pork, ham and swiss cheese on sweet bread? Sounds great! I'll take it!

It also came with fries. What the heck was I thinking?

I had very good intentions of only eating a few fries and taking half of the sandwich home with me. But I didn't. I ate all of it. And wanted to puke about 15 minutes after I left the restaurant. So that great feeling I had from running was completely overshadowed by the incredible amount of meat ingested by my body this afternoon. I'm still feeling the ickiness of it all.

I once heard that when God created our bodies, He did not design them to ingest meat. We were not meant to be meat-eaters. This argument was evidenced by the way our teeth are designed (dull, not sharp) as well as the length of time it takes our bodies to break down animal meat, among other arguments that I can't really remember right now.

When I eat a substantial amount of meat, I'm always reminded of this by the way my body feels. I'm lethargic. I'm heavy. I feel gross and it is at times like these when I wish I could will myself to throw up. But I can't. And I'm not going to try now. I have enough bad habits.

I guess I'll just wallow in my meat-coma and wait for a new day.

Oh, and by the way, this in no way means that I am becoming a vegetarian.

Shout Out

2008-11-18T13:03:00.000-08:00

I was just checking my weekly Sitemeter Report, and one of my most recent visits was tracked to the United Kingdom. To you, my lone UK reader, I want to give a shout out. I love your country (no matter which one it is...they're all beautiful), and I'm honored that you stopped by to see me. :o) Come back anytime.

To the rest of my readers, I appreciate you, too. I'm just amazed that my "writing" is being read by someone on an entirely different continent. I love the internet. Sometimes.

One last note

2008-11-18T00:33:00.001-08:00

I just got out of the shower, but I have to share with someone the beauty that is Aromafloria Muscle Soak Body Wash. It is very rare that I find a product that actually delivers on its promises, but this stuff is freaking A-mazing. I just looked up the entire line of the Muscle Soak Aromatherapy and I want it all. Like yesterday. My body has been so sore from running, especially my back and my knees; but the peppermint, lemongrass and eucalyptus oils really help sooth my joints and muscles. I can't imagine how great the massage oil would be. Christopher, if you're reading this, I would like this for Christmas, please.

Okay, I'll stop with my free advertising.

Day....what day is it again? I lost count.

2008-11-17T22:55:00.000-08:00

I did it. I finally got my new running shoes. My friend, Johnny, a fellow Revolution X volunteer, happens to work at Runner's High on 2nd Street. When he found out I was looking for shoes for the 5K, he told me to come in and he'd help me out.

I finally got to the store tonight around 6pm, and there he was, ready to help me find some shoes for my big old feet (in addition to helping babysit my 20 month old who was like a kid in a candy store with all those beautiful shoes and socks). He had me try on a few different pairs (all men's, but we won't talk about that) and run up and down 2nd street to see which ones felt better. First he had me try Adidas, then Nike, but as soon as I felt the soft cushioning of the Brooks Defyance envelop my right foot, I knew that these were the running shoes I'd been waiting for. The ones sent straight down from heaven specifically for me. All my prayers had been answered. My dreams had come true. And, my dear readers, those heaven-sent shoes are the same ones pictured above. Aren't the beautiful?

And not only are they beautiful; they are effective. I came home, put Bella to bed, adorned my new purchase, and proceded to jog for 52 minutes straight. None of this run-walk business. I jogged for almost a solid hour!!! I am stupified by the difference a new pair of shoes has already made in my training. Wow.

So whatever day it is in my training, things are going well. I know that I have 10 days left until the Turkey Trot, and then I think I'll be taking some of my friends up on their offers to run a half marathon. I'm not going to put some huge amount of pressure on myself. I just want something to work toward so I don't quit. I can't believe how far I've come already.

Next step, jogging stroller.

A fellow blogger's story

2008-11-17T08:11:00.000-08:00

Some of you know that I struggle with some food addiction here and there (and everywhere). It's not something I talk about too seriously because I don't feel like many people can understand it. I'm probably wrong about that, but I will digress from this point for now. My own insecurity and shame is not the topic of this post.

I started following Lyn's blog about a month ago, and I have deeply appreciated her honesty about a struggle that I've been fighting for so many years. Yesterday, she posted a part of her story. She describes honestly and rawly the circumstances surrounding her own addictions. I hope you can read it and appreciate it just as I have.

Lyn's story

Day 11

2008-11-15T07:22:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday again, and as such, I set out to run as far as my body would comfortably take me. Even though I was running at an excruciatingly slow pace, I am proud of my 25-minute jaunt. That's right, I ran the first 25 minutes, then walked 5, ran 8 and walked another 6 or so. I would have run more at the tail end, but my back was bothering me. This is, no doubt, because I desperately need new shoes. I've begun researching good running shoes, but have not committed yet. I need to find a good pair for wide feet. If you've got any suggestions, let me know!

In light of the way my back was feeling this morning, here is your quote for the day:

"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."

-Lance Armstrong, American Cyclist

Day 9

2008-11-13T07:49:00.000-08:00

A couple things have changed today. First, I'm taking the word "Training" out of my running posts. Since I've changed the title of my blog to "In Training", I think it goes without saying that it is a training day. And even if it doesn't, that's tough because it's my blog and I'll do what I want.

Secondly, I started the next step in training. According to my trainer, I was to begin the 15 minute runs today (run 15, walk 15 for an hour), but I decided since it was my first day back after an injury, and I still have two weeks until the run, and since I already know that, at my best, I can run for at least 10 minutes at a time, that I would start with 10 minutes (run 10, walk 10 for an hour).

And I did it. I actually didn't feel like I was working as hard as I was last week. I assume that's because instead of 2-minute breaks between runs, I had 10-minute breaks. It was kinda nice. My knees weren't too keen on the whole thing, but they made it and I'm proud of them, even though they might have felt like they were carrying the load of an elephant!

I'm off to the shower then to meet a friend at the mall. Here's your quote for the day! Take it to heart; it's a good one!

"Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then is not an act but a habit."
-Aristotle (Philosopher, Scientist and Physician, 384-322 BC)

Training Day 8

2008-11-12T06:22:00.000-08:00

It's 6:22 AM, and no, I haven't already gone for my morning jaunt. I'm actually going to skip this morning, let my ankle take a break, and if it's feeling okay tonight, then I'll run. If not, I'll just take a walk.

You know how when you've hurt a joint and then you rest it for 8 hours, it usually feels pretty good when you get up? Then it slowly deteriorates throughout the day? Well, I want to avoid pushing it too hard this morning because it seems to be feeling mostly fine. The last thing I need is to make my already unconditioned body worse so that I'm not able to continue training for this run. If all is well, I'll start my next step in the training process tomorrow morning instead of today. I believe it's run 3 minutes, walk 3 minutes for a longer period of time. I'll call Cheryl today and find out.

Any tips or pointers?

Oh, and I know I skipped my quote of the day yesterday because I was a little too bitter to even want to read something encouraging or uplifting. But, in light of my ankle, here is a quote for today:

"Of one thing I am certain; the body is not the measure of healing-peace is the measure."
-George Melton

Training Day 7-A Tale in 6 Pictures

2008-11-11T07:31:00.001-08:00

Here I sit for my morning update, Starbucks in hand and a bag of frozen grapes on my ankle. Any guesses about how my morning has gone thus far?

First, I get out of bed (6:18am) feeling much like the whale in this picture. I decide that it can't be as bad as I think, so I should get on the

Then the decision is made that I should not run, but walk my normal course due to the not-so-great feeling in my left hamstring. Turns out no amount of stretching after the fact can make up for the lack of stretching prior to running. So I get my water bottle and set out for my morning walk.

I make it halfway (the mid-point of 5th and Firestone) on Woodruff when I step into a...

I hear my left ankle crunch and I almost fall, but don't. I do, however, hobble myself into the mall parking lot wondering whether or not I should call my mother-in-law to pick me up before she heads to work. But then I notice the hobbling becoming less and then turning into a slight limp. No problem. I can walk this off. And since this day already sucks, and I'm in the neighborhood, and there's no power-walking for me in the near future, I decide that, quite frankly,

So I stop in to see my friendly neighborhood barista and order a frothy hot holiday beverage to nurse my broken spirit and injured ankle during my (slow) walk home.

I have since arrived at home, taken my shoes off and realized that "walking-it-off" might not have been the best idea. It was, at best, a feeble and inaccurate hope. My ankle is pretty tender. Once I realized there was some pain, I pulled

out of the freezer, propped my foot up on a chair and began this, my tale in 6 pictures.

I hope you've enjoyed what little bit of humor I've eeked out of my morning, because I'm not gonna lie...I'm a little

Training Day 6

2008-11-10T12:17:00.000-08:00

I didn't run yesterday because it was Sunday and we left for church at 6:30 am. But I did run today. It was a pretty pitiful morning for me. I didn't get up until 8. Then I sat in front of the computer checking emails and messaging people until 9:30 when I was finally motivated enough to go for my mandatory run. Everyone was still sleeping after our late night at Disneyland, so I headed out the door at 9:43. I did 30 minutes. No more, no less. I made the mistake of not stretching beforehand and my left hamstring is bugging me a little bit. I'll do more stretches throughout the day.

Bella finally ate breakfast at 11. I don't think today will be a nap day. I'm going to do some cleaning while Bella keeps watching Sesame Street. Then maybe we'll go out to see G-ma Doris in Marina Del Ray.

In closing, I'd like to share some wisdom from one of my all-time favorite transcendentalists:

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense."
–– Ralph Waldo Emerson

In case you were wondering

2008-11-08T22:44:00.000-08:00

My friend's fiance emailed me this survey, so I thought to myself, "Self, why not put this in your blog?" To which my self answered, "Why not? I'm not doing anything and could certainly use this to kill some time before bed."

So here you go, not that you asked..

HAVE YOU EVER... (x means 'yes')

( ) Been to Europe...nope, just the UK
(x) Been on a cruise
( ) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school ... only in college
( ) Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been to Florida
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been lost
(x) Been on the opposite side of the country
(x) Gone to Washington, DC
(x)Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
( ) Played cops and robbers
(x) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid for a meal with coins only
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) Made prank phone calls
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain
(x)Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe I think I did the kissing, though
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone That's what friends are for...sunrise on Bourbon Street!
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating
(x) Gone to the movies
( ) Owned your Favorite Car Not yet...one day I'll get that Jetta.

NICKNAMES: Kick, Kicky, Leilani, Lela-Ann, Wifey
MOM'S NAME: Doris (not sure why only my mom's name matters)
FAVORITE DRINK: coffee
BODY PIERCINGS: Just ears. I used to have my tongue, but gave that one up. I miss it sometimes.
HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE YOUR JOB? I freaking love it. Except for the 1st grader. He's a little exasperating at times.
BIRTHPLACE: Baltimore, MD
HAWAII? Yes, please.
EVER BEEN TO AFRICA? Not yet. It wasn't the right time.
EVER EATEN ONLY COOKIES FOR DINNER? Duh. What normal female hasn't done this?
EVER BEEN ON TV? I feel like the answer is yes, but I can't remember why I would have been there...so no?
EVER STEAL A TRAFFIC SIGN? Not yet...only a shower curtain. Maybe the traffic sign will happen during the next pregnancy.
EVER BEEN IN A CAR ACCIDENT? Yes.
DRIVE A 2- OR 4-DOOR CAR? 4 door

FAVORITES:

NUMBER? One. It's the least complicated.
MOVIE? Mary Poppins can usually brighten my day, as well as Tyler Perry.
HOLIDAY? Thanksgiving/Christmas are tied right now.
DESERT? I wish I was picky enough to have a favorite.
DAY? Usually, Saturday or Monday.
BODY WASH? Currently, Aromafloria Muscle Soak
TOOTHPASTE? Mentadent, but I never use it.
SMELL? Fig scented candles

HOW DO YOU RELAX? Watch TV or sleep...or shop.
WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 10 YEARS? In a house full of kids
HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED SOMEONE DIE? Only when I was little, I remember my g-ma having hospice care in our playroom at her house.

Training Day 4

2008-11-08T07:19:00.001-08:00

I woke up this morning questioning whether or not I would even run. After all, it is Saturday. Well, not only did I run, but I decided to see if this training thing is really working by starting off with running as far as my body wanted to go. Well, my body made it for about 10 minutes, from my place to Woodruff Ave (for those of you who happen to be familiar with the area). Then I completed my time with my normal walk-run routine. I shaved some time off of yesterday (I ran the same course), but I added to my running by about 3-4 minutes. Go me!

I know it's only grace and a good attitude that got me to this place this morning, but I hope that I can make these same choices day-by-day as the weeks wear on. Not only up until the Turkey Trot, but for the rest of my life.

"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins- not through strength but by perseverence."
-H. Jackson Brown

Training Day 3

2008-11-07T07:14:00.000-08:00

“Life’s battles don't always go to the strongest or fastest man,
But sooner or later the man who wins is the fellow who thinks he can.”

I can do anything for 30 minutes. At least that's what I was telling myself while my alarm sang to me this morning at 6 a.m.

And guess what? I can. I did my 30 minute run-walk, and it got even easier than yesterday. I'm not saying it's a cake-walk yet, but it's definitely getting easier.

Although, I did have a false start. Two minutes into my first run, I had to stop in order to stretch. My left hamstring was unbearably tight. So I stopped at 6:22, after I'd run for a minute or two, then started all over again. That may not sound like a big deal, but that's an extra minute or two that I had to run!

I did a lot of stretching after my run today. It felt good. My back's a little tight. I'm sure that I would benefit from some yoga, but I've got to get a move on. I have to hit the showers before running errands and getting things prepped for my Mom's birthday dinner tonight. (Sorry Cheryl, I might have a piece of cake. The good news is that if I give myself permission now, I might have the willpower to choose 'no' later...it's a strange dichotomy, I know.) I will leave with the definition of the verb "to run". This way there is no question in your (or my) mind what it is I am doing on a daily basis.

run

verb, ran, run, run⋅ning, noun, adjective –verb (used without object)

1.	to go quickly by moving the legs more rapidly than at a walk and in such a manner that for an instant in each step all or both feet are off the ground.

Training Day 1

2008-11-05T09:05:00.000-08:00

After my previous post about running the Turkey Trot, my friend, Cheryl Harrington, offered to train me. She decided last year to run the Long Beach 1/2 Marathon and spent 6 months training with Claudia Sloan (the Sloans are amazing runners). I watched her persevere and learn to love running. And now she's offered to help me learn to love it as well. Today was our first day. She left 25 minutes ago and I am just starting to feel the goodness of the run (those of you who've ran, know what I'm talking about). We spent a half hour pounding the pavement, running and walking alternately (run 4 minutes, walk 2). Poor Cheryl had to listen to me huffing and puffing the entire way.

Before she left, she reminded me of something I once knew, but have since forgotten. My body is the temple of God. I have to treat it that way. I am to respect it, honor it, discipline it and do whatever it takes to make sure it lasts me the entirety of my stay on earth. And I am not only to make sure that it lasts, but that it functions properly during my time here.

I fear I've fallen into the trap of being comfortable. I like my bed. I enjoy my TV shows. I spend endless hours on the internet checking email, reading blogs, etc., I like to go to coffee with friends, eat what tastes good whenever I want to eat it and be "happy" and "comfortable" as much as possible. Unfortunately, I've forgotten that in the world that God has created, discipline is the foundation for a good and productive life. Paul talks about disciplining himself and his body so that he can "run the race set before him". There are countless Proverbs regarding the merits of disciplining oneself and one's children. God's discipline is something that is to be desired. Yet we, as Americans, believe that the most important things are comfort, independence and individuality. Most of us don't value the discipline it takes to be successful inside ourselves. We value making money. We value work. We value entrepreneurship. We value the next big thing. But do we value the internal strength of character that comes from our own disciplining of our private lives? I dare say that most of us do not. And that's quite unfortunate.

My hope is that over the next few weeks, I will relearn some of these values God had taught me a while back. My hope is also that I will gain some balance. My hope is that I will be steady. My hope is that I will begin some habits over the next month that will stick with me for some time, maybe even the rest of my life.

In preparation for this blog, as well as my own personal encouragement, I looked up some quotes by runners, for runners. I hope that they will encourage you as they have me this morning.

"Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired. When you were younger the mind could make you dance all night, and the body was never tired...You've always got to make the mind take over and keep going."
- George S. Patton, U.S. Army General and 1912 Olympian

"Believe in yourself, know yourself, deny yourself, and be humble."
- John Treacy's four principles of training prior to Los Angeles 84

"In a country where only men are encouraged, one must be one's own inspiration."
- Tegla Loroupe, Kenya, 1994 New York City Marathon champion

"The body does not want you to do this. As you run, it tells you to stop but the mind must be strong. You always go too far for your body. You must handle the pain with strategy...It is not age; it is not diet. It is the will to succeed."
- Jacqueline Gareau, 1980 Boston Marathon champ

"Run hard, be strong, think big!"
- Percy Cerutty

More positive outlooks

2008-11-04T22:14:00.000-08:00

I was just going through my google reader and came across a blog from an acquaintance of mine. Read it and be encouraged. :o)

Welcome, Mr. President.

2008-11-04T21:47:00.000-08:00

Tonight, the United States has a new President. When I went to vote today, I wanted to vote for this particular candidate, but I couldn't do it based on my own moral basis. That is what it is, and I won't go into it here.

The reason I DID want to vote for Obama today is that I want change and hope for something new. I, like many others, felt like McCain would have been more of the same, and more of the same is not anything I desire. Not only that, but the other day, I was thinking about McCain vs. Obama and the idea of voting character. I was wondering which candidate would listen to what God wants for him and for this country and I heard this voice in my head say, "What if Obama is the one with a humble heart? What if he's the one whom, if prayed for, would do the right thing? What if McCain is the one out for his own agenda and this is just his last hoorah as a politician?" And that's when I started to wonder.

You see, I don't believe that the "issues" are the only issues that count in an election. These men (and women) have hearts. And only God knows their hearts. Now, I'm not saying that I know what God knows. I don't. But, to all my friends who expect Jesus to return tomorrow or who are talking about moving to Canada ASAP, I challenge you to start praying earnestly for this new leader of our Country. Pray not out of fear, but out of love. Our God remains the same. Our Leader isn't different. The leader of the country is. Maybe we should remove ourselves from this patriotic faith of ours and see the political system of this country for what it is...the world's way of doing things. God works in any and all worldly systems...but his people have to pray. Maybe the problem with this country is that God's people were counting on W's "Christianity" to be enough to lead the country instead of humbling ourselves and asking God to lead the leaders.

Just a few thoughts on the close of this Election Day 2008. Sleep well, my friends. I know I will.

25 days...

2008-11-02T16:38:00.000-08:00

...Until I am running a 5K. I have never (officially) run a 5K in my life. I have, in fact, run 3 miles at one time, but it was a long time ago. I weighed 25 lbs less, I was infinitely more toned and had lots of time to spend at the gym and running at the park.

Tanya called me last night to say she'd signed up for a 5K on Thanksgiving morning and do I want to do it with her. "Sure," I say. I'm happy to do it, although it's questionable as to whether or not I will run the entirety of it.

I got home today after lunch and sat down on the couch. I was waiting for Christopher to get off the computer so I could use the internet when it dawned on me that this 5K is going to happen. And it's happening in less than a month. Therefore, instead of sitting my chubby butt down in front of the computer, I should probably put on some sweats and tenni's and hit the pavement. So that's what I did. I donned aforementioned gear, walked out the door and around the corner, and I began to jog. I lasted for approximately 3 minutes until I started walking again. During my first 20 minutes out, I had a few more spurts of 1-2 minute runs, but gave it up completely in my last 20.
Somehow, in the next 25 days, I have to turn that initial 3 minute jaunt into 3 miles. Good Lord in Heaven, what was I thinking?

I am happily accepting any pointers or encouragement any of my loyal readers might have for me from now until Thanksgiving Day.

Master Cleanse, here I come

2008-10-30T22:01:00.001-07:00

If any of you have read about the Master Cleanse, you will recall with me that it is probably the most vile suggestion you've ever heard. This cleanse is one that suggests drinking 2 liters of a lemon juice-maple syrup-cayenne pepper "lemonaid" per day, as well as downing a liter of salt water (per day) in order to completely clear out one's insides. This liter of salt water results in numerous tummy-rumblings and consequential trips to the restroom.

I did this said cleanse (minus salt water) for approximately 2 days back when I lived in New Orleans. The suggested duration is anywhere from 3 days to two weeks. My taste buds weren't convinced that I needed the third day.

Yesterday, Christopher casually informed me that our friends are planning to do the cleanse for 10 days beginning this weekend. He also made the mistake of saying that if I wanted to do it, he'd be game. Well of COURSE I want to do the cleanse. I live for this stuff. I'm a believer in giving our bodies a break and cleaning out all the gunk; I also believe that giving up food for a while gives us opportunity to focus on other things.

So on Monday morning, we will begin The Master Cleanse. I will juice lemons, measure maple syrup and add the cayenne pepper to only a small "shot" of this mixture so I don't have to sip it throughout the day (it's so gross). I will drink the salt water. I will drink the salt water. I will drink the salt water. I will drink....

Oh, sorry. I forgot you were reading. Where was I? Oh, yea...I'll drink the salt water and enjoy the cleanliness of my insides.

And I will be forced to find something to make me happy besides what is passing over my taste buds.

Master Cleanse, here I come. And be warned...this time, I will master you.

My affair with the Daily Show

2008-10-08T14:26:00.001-07:00

Since Christopher's out of town and my house is clean and Bella's sleeping, I am becoming reacquainted with an old friend, Jon Stewart. Most of you know that I'm not a big fan of politics. However, I do love the Daily Show. If my political news could come in the form of humor and sarcasm (non-biased...at least that's how it is today), I would be a much more politically minded person.

Sarah Vowell was the guest on today's show and in her discussion of Sarah Palin's visit to New York, this is what she said (well, it's not all she said, but this is what made me laugh):

"The East Coast was American enough for Al Qaeda and it should be American enough for them."

I hope you can enjoy the irony, even out of context.

Remembering

2008-10-07T07:40:00.000-07:00

This morning, I couldn't find my Bible, so I went into our new "library" Christopher made from all the books we just got back from Missouri and pulled one from there. As I was flipping through it, I came across a book mark. I don't usually use book marks, so I pulled it out to see what it was. On the back of this large purple laminated book mark was the obituary for my friend, Eryn Wright.

Eryn was younger than me. I met her when she was a freshman at my college. I think I was a junior at the time. She was a beautiful young woman. She had glossy blond hair, a brilliant smile and a beauty that could melt the coolest of hearts. She and I laughed a lot. Our group of friends laughed a lot. She had given up a career as a (probably very successful) hairstylist to see what God might have planned for her in Ministry, but her life was lost before that plan was actualized. She was 18 years old and in the summer between her freshman and sophomore years of college when she was involved in a car crash that killed her.

For my friends and I, this was a time that united us. It drew us from wherever we'd gone for the summer and brought us back to our campus, then to Eryn's family's home for many nights. We experienced the stages of grief together. We cried together. We laughed hysterically (and probably inappropriately) together. To those friends--you know who you are--know that I think of you this morning with fondness in my heart. I love each of you and what you've meant to me through the years.

To Eryn, I so look forward to seeing you again. I can only imagine the exquisite beauty you are as you worship at the feet of Jesus right now.

Check it out

2008-10-03T22:46:00.001-07:00

I thought this was interesting.

You choose.

2008-10-02T21:42:00.000-07:00

My Mom was at our place on Monday night watching Dancing With the Stars. Since I'm less than interested in the show, I was doing something completely unrelated. That is until I hear the song "Bleeding Love". My neck snaps, and the first thing I say is, "What in the world are they thinking using this song?" Just so we're on the same page, this is the performance I was watching.

Okay, so if you took the time to watch that, you can see that it wasn't awful. They did okay. However, being the So You Think You Can Dance fan that I am, nothing could compare with THIS performance, also done to "Bleeding Love":

Maybe I'm biased, but you tell me. Which performance do YOU think is better?

Score one for Leanne Teacher

2008-10-02T20:07:00.000-07:00

On Thursdays, I teach Writing/English to three Middle-schoolers. Two of the three are new to the school, and one of those two is somewhat challenging. He's the "cool guy". By his own admission, his parents are extremely strict, therefore school has become his outlet for "bad" behavior.

And he's all mine for one hour a week. Actually two since I have him for Speech on Fridays as well. Regardless, it is the Thursday hour that I'll be telling you about now.

So today, their writing topic was their best friend and the qualities they appreciate in that person. They needed an example of how to do an intro, so off the top of my head, I give them something I might write...

"Tara Books (shout out!) is the best type of friend a person could have...(more great things about Tara)...Her loyalty was evident after Hurricane Katrina, when I wanted nothing to do with anyone, yet she never stopped calling me (or something to that effect)."

Pause

"Wait. You were in Hurricane Katrina???"

"Yes, I was."

And that's all it took. "Cool guy" now has a reason to respect someone he thought was "just another teacher" because--can you imagine--I actually have a story that begins before I taught him writing.

Leanne Teacher--1

Cool Guy--0

September 30. Not July 30.

2008-09-30T22:46:00.000-07:00

It was 93 degrees here in sunny Southern California today. I wore (from the bottom, up) Sketchers, jeans and a sweater...a turtleneck sweater with flouncy sleeves.

"Leanne," you say, "why did you think it would be a good idea to wear any form of sweater on a day like today?"

"You," I answer, "obviously you don't understand that when it's the day before October, the weather should allow for a bundling up of sorts."

So, just to make sure that I am not completely crazy, I decided to do a Google search for "Fall Clothes". Among many other things that support my nutty ideas, I found an article stating that the following are important parts of "The Basic Elements of a Fall Wardrobe":

Fabrics: corduroy, faux fur, suede, cable knit, quilted fabrics and wool

Pieces: turtlenecks, long cardigan sweaters, jeans, pants, scarves/mittens, long skirts, long- sleeved button down shirts, boots, hoodies, etc.

Next Tuesday is supposed to be 73. I guess I'll have to break out my wooly gloves and go buy me a pair of Uggs.

Come on, California. Could you at least get it below 70 for October? That would be great.

The individual responsible for this list obviously does not reside in Southern California.

Yay for stuff!

2008-09-30T11:53:00.000-07:00

The rest of "us" has finally been redeemed from Middle America. My Mom arrived yesterday to begin her new contract in Fountain Valley, and along with her she brought a UHaul filled with most of the things we left in Missouri when we moved to California two years ago.

There are still a couple of prized possessions that I suspect may be gone forever, but we got back a ton of pictures and books, dishes, curtains and other various parts of our past we'd forgotten about. Yesterday was a very busy day of unloading, unpacking, cleaning and visiting. And we still have a TON of stuff that needs to find a home in this apartment. And I look forward to finding those homes.

For now, I'm content to see our dishes and crockpot (the one of two items we actually received from our wedding gift registry) sitting on our countertop as I go along with my busy day.

Speaking of which, I need to start grading some papers!

Let's call it an experiment

2008-09-28T21:53:00.000-07:00

Lately, there's been a lot of talk around Revolution about "being" the church. With the start of Life Groups, a lot of us now have opportunities on a weekly basis to step up into our role as "the Church" and I am hoping to go as far as to utilize this very blog on a regular basis to give you (my readers) opportunities to help others whom you may not even know. So here is your first opportunity.

There is a couple I know who's gone through the adoption process but still has a few fees to pay before everything is completed. The total left is around $500. To a lot of us, that's not a huge sum of money. But to this family, it will help close a chapter of their lives and move on into the future as a fully legal family. Would you consider helping them?

You need to be aware that when I do this, I (typically) won't give names. Therefore, you can either do a trust fall in the form of a blank check given to me or you can email me and I can connect you with whoever might have the need (or let you know where you can buy a gift card, etc.).

As the title of this blog suggests, this is an experiment. I hope to see a positive outcome from my faithful readers! Wouldn't it be cool to have a blog that's dedicated to randomly meeting needs? Wouldn't it be cool to be a reader and a need-meeter of that blog?

If you can help this amazing family, email me (Leannelytle@gmail.com).

A challenge

2008-09-26T07:09:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last couple of nights reading my Self magazine. The focus of this issue seems to be almost solely on issues surrounding Cancer (mostly breast cancer). And let me tell you, I'm a little concerned.

Let me preface by saying that there is a history of cancer in my family. Neither of my parents have suffered, but my Grandmother and Great Aunt both lost their lives to Breast Cancer...so I have cause to be somewhat worried. I think.

Okay, so there are a few things. First, over and over again I've read that to keep your chances of developing cancer down, exercise and keeping weight at a healthy level is paramount. I've been working on weight loss the last 6 weeks, but only for the sake of aesthetics and not having to buy a whole new wardrobe. This takes my motivation to a whole new level.

Second, I read about these things called BPA's and a woman who believes they are to cause for her development of the disease. BPA is freaking everywhere. If you don't believe me, go here.

To those of you who are alarmists, I hope this doesn't ruin your day. But I do hope that it will give you pause to look at your life and think about what you are doing to and with your body and if you are taking the best care of it as you can. I firmly believe that God has given us our bodies, and just like everything else he's given us, we are supposed to take care of it. We can't treat our bodies wrongly and expect them to last or even work correctly for us.

My challenge to you today is to take the link above and do a little cancer research. But I not only want you to get information; I want you to find ONE thing that you can change about the way you live that might help your body stay healthier longer.

My goal? 30 minutes a day of exercise.

My life is my job

2008-09-24T08:50:00.001-07:00

Has anyone ever had one of those weeks where, although great things are happening, it feels like nothing is getting accomplished?

As I sit at my desk after just waking up at 8:45 (almost unheard of for me) looking at the disaster that is my home realizing that I have no clothes because my laundry is incomplete and not even here because I left it at my personal laundrymat (my in-law's)...I think to myself...

So this is what it would be like if I worked full time.

And, for now, I'm really glad that's not the case.

I have the smartest 18 month old ever

2008-09-21T09:49:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm sure there are others like her. And even some more advanced. But this morning, after breakfast, we were in the living room reading books and Bella stood up and pointed to her diaper. I figured that meant she already peed or pooped, because that's what it usually means. But I went with my instincts and asked if she wanted to try using her potty. We both ran into the bathroom, I took her diaper off, and to my surprise, it was dry. So she sat down on the potty and after about a minute, I hear this wonderful tinkling sound. Bella peed in the potty for the first time ever! Yay!

And here is the evidence...

Oh the things you can get away with...

2008-09-19T13:42:00.001-07:00

...when you're 18 months old.

Today, Bella's lunch was turkey and provolone on toasted rye, tomato/roasted red pepper soup and applesauce (which I gave her toward the end of the meal). She wasn't the least bit interested in the rye bread until the applesauce was introduced. That's when she decided, since the bread couldn't possibly get any worse, maybe she should try dipping it IN the applesauce. Well, I guess that was a good idea because that's how she proceeded to finish the entirety of the bread.

Far be it for me to keep my daughter from trying new things. Even if they might seem gross to the adult eye.

Halloween help!

2008-09-16T21:42:00.000-07:00

Since my husband is currently elbow deep in "The Fringe" I have no one to talk to about this except the blogosphere.

We need halloween costume ideas. We'd love to have a family theme, but I'm finding it's easier said than done. So I've been looking at everything from farm animals to the Jetsons (there's a pretty cool Jane Jetson costume) to....well, you name it and I've been looking at it.

So here's a chance for you, my readers, to help us, The Lytles, come up with some ideas for this halloween. Nothing is out of the question, so lay it on me!

I can't wait to see what you come up with!

Dear lister of sale-838585793

2008-09-13T22:19:00.000-07:00

"
I want your chair.

Christopher makes fun of my new-found hobby of checking Craigslist daily for deals that, even if they are amazing, I don't have the extra cash or storage space to take advantage of. I love to shop, even if I don't buy anything, so Craigslist is PERFECT for me. And here are the reasons why:

1. There is no impulse buying. Any purchase made on Craigslist must be quite calculated and you have to have the proper equipment to be able to pick up the item(s) you are purchasing, which leads me to point 2...

2. I have a Dodge Intrepid. Most things I want don't fit in my car. And even if they did, I would probably have to drive out to Hollywood or Santa Monica because that's where all the cool stuff is anyway, and honestly...

3. Gas is too expensive to drive to pick up someone else's junk when I haven't seen it in person to know it's really okay and they're not just trying to lure me miles away from my home in order to break down my defenses and sell me something crappy simply because I don't want to have wasted the trip.

So I ask you: What is worse? Spending time looking at things I can't have just because I can and it fills my desire to "shop" (I like to think of it more as hunting) OR going to actual stores and spending money I don't have on stuff I don't really need, or, in some cases, don't even want?

I thought so.

So Christopher, if you're reading this, I hope you can appreciate the fact that I'm on Craigslist instead of NY & Company dot come or victoria' secret dot com or borders dot com or going to the mall every other day spending more money that I shouldn't be spending.

And for the rest of you, it's true. If I had my $60 of blow money (it's the money we budget to spend on anything we want) already saved up, this chair would be mine. I have no idea where I would put it, but it is now my goal to have a *fully functioning* barber chair in my home.

And I did show Christopher, and he thought it would be pretty cool too.

I wish the world could revolve around me

2008-09-12T14:22:00.000-07:00

I think I have the only 18-month old around who is not totally enthralled with the TV when it's on. For the last half hour, I've been trying to get some work done on the computer, so I put the Jungle Book on for Bella. The entire time, she has been standing next to me, crying for me to pick her up. When I pick her up, she sits on my lap and watches the TV from across the room.

Apparently, Isabella is a very social creature who cannot bare to be alone on the other side of the room watching a dancing bear. As we speak, she is sitting on my lap attempting to pull my face down to look her in the eye and she is crying because I'm not doing it.

Don't get me wrong, I love playing with her. When she woke up from her nap, we played in her room. Most days, we go for walks and play chase all around the house. But God forbid that I try to get anything done that doesn't involve her while I am in her presence.

Yay for being 18 months old and thinking the entire world revolves around you.

9.11.2001

2008-09-11T11:32:00.001-07:00

I woke up and was getting ready to go start another day of intern life at Mountain Christian Church in Joppa, MD. Uncharacteristically, I had my TV tuned to one of the morning news shows, so for once, I actually knew what was happening as soon as the media knew what was happening. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I stood frozen in my make-shift basement apartment staring at planes crash into the twin towers just a few hours away from where I was standing.

By the time I'd made it to the office, one of the towers had fallen and the other was pretty close to the same. The pentagon, which was only a short drive down I-95 from where I lived, had also been targeted. Heath (my boss) told me to go home.

I didn't go home. I went to my college campus where all my friends and I stayed in the lounge of the guy's dorm for (what seemed like) two days straight wondering what the heck was going on. No classes (they were cancelled), no work (a lot of stuff closed down for those 2 days) and no clue what just happened to our neighbors (when you live in Maryland, New York and DC, although you may not like it sometimes, are definitely neighbors).

Here's to the memory of the 343 New York City Firefighters and the 2,974 civilians who lost their lives on that day. Here's to the children who've been growing up without parents and grandparents...the spouses who've bravely faced the loss...the parents who saw their children die needlessly.

May we remember today, as a country, that vengeance is not the answer. More lives lost will not bring back our dead.

And may we remember, as the Church (if, indeed, you are part of the Church) to take care of the widows and the orphans...for this is true religion.

It's okay to pat yourself on the back sometimes

2008-09-06T22:53:00.001-07:00

It's been a long busy week. Which explains why I haven't done an update on Gustav (no major damage...yay) or Kenya (they finally left from New Orleans on Thursday instead of Monday).

I'm quite proud of myself for this week. I exercised almost everyday. I even incorporated yoga because my hips are turning into those belonging to an 85 year old woman (I need to get new shoes). I always feel better when I do yoga. I scheduled my week and, for the most part, stuck to it. That's a huge step for me. I still have a long way to go (scheduling dates with my hubby, family time, time with God, etc.), but I took a step in the right direction. I even RSVP'd to a party. Granted, I did it an hour before it started...I still did it! This morning, I knew I needed to get away, so instead of forcing myself to stay in Downey out of obligation, I left at 6:30 and headed to the beach for an hour long vacation. I needed the beach. Oh, and I'm working on an article for possible publication (long shot, but I'm still working on it).

On top of all that, I think God finally broke through something that I didn't even know was there. He just keeps coming closer...layer by layer. I'm grateful that He knows how to get through to me. He knows I don't have a clue how to get past myself, so He's gotta do most of the work.

And right now, I'm going to ignore the urge to think about what implications that last statement might hold for my own parenting, turn my computer off, take a shower and go to bed.

Sometimes doing the right thing means not being so hard on yourself all the time. At least for me that's what it means.

Waiting

2008-09-01T00:18:00.000-07:00

My friends from New Orleans are scattered over much of the Southern United States. My mom is among them (she flew down to meet the Kenya team on Friday, and evacuated to Paragould, Arkansas Saturday morning). I just checked on Gustav and he's still a Cat 3 with a possibility of strengthening. I'm tempted to stay up for another couple hours until the next advisory pops up, but I know I need to sleep.

Waiting for a hurricane is the most bizarre experience ever. You never know what's actually happened until after the storm, so until then, all you can do is pray. Or, like some people I know, have parties so everything in the freezer gets eaten before they leave town and their fridge stops running. Truth be told, although I'm nervous for my friends down South, I'm a little jealous that I'm missing the party.

All you could need to know about the situation in New Orleans

2008-08-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

...can be found right here.

Are you kidding me?

2008-08-27T21:40:00.000-07:00

So, Gustav?

Really? God is not this cruel. And so help me, if I hear anyone talking about how God is planning mass final destruction on a city they know nothing about except "Girls gone wild" videos and slanted Mardi Gras press coverage that they shouldn't be watching anyway because they're "good Christians" (and good Christians shouldn't even see those things), I might go buck. And I don't mean "buck" in a So-You-Think-You-Can-Dance kinda way. I mean "buck" in the back-away-from-Leanne-because-she-might-kill-you kinda way.

Here's the story

One other thing that makes me smile...by request

2008-08-26T21:45:00.000-07:00

My little brother.

Things that make me smile

2008-08-26T21:35:00.000-07:00

Well, one thing in particular.

I'd like to see Angelo imitate THIS baby.

The Happy Housewife?

2008-08-26T09:58:00.001-07:00

Some of you know that last week was a pretty rough one for me. Consider that my last blog was the beginning of said week and you'll understand. So today, I am working on becoming a "Happy Housewife". Here are just a few of the good deeds on the agenda for the day:

Christopher and I have FINALLY loaded up an item that has needed to be returned since almost 3 months ago and we will be returning it this evening.

Last night, in a fit of "needing" to have food, I bought a clearanced bag of dark chocolate kissables when I stopped at CVS to get toothpaste for Bella. Unfortunately, I did eat a substantial amount of the candies last night. BUT I have decided that instead of eating the rest of the bag like a pitiful bon-bon eating housewife, I will bake cookies with them, like a June Cleaver-esque sort of housewife.
This is not to say that I haven't eaten some of the batter, nor that I won't eat any of the cookies. But at least this way, others might benefit from my chocolate-buying insanity.

Bella and I took advantage of our early morning outing to the Hub (we dropped Christopher off at work) and swung over to Seal Beach to play in the sand. Other than Bella running and hiding behind me whenever she heard a big wave, it was a lot of fun. And even the hiding part was fun for me.

We have a play-date with Jessica and Mare, who we haven't seen in ages.

Hopefully I'll be meeting a friend for coffee during Bella's nap this afternoon.

And finally, the most ambitious of all these undertakings, I will put the laundry away. And by doing this, I might also pack for my trip to New Orleans this weekend (it might be the only thing that motivates me to sort through all the clothes).

So that's my day. Nothing big, but it should be much more positive and productive than the majority of my last week. Here's to the Happy Housewife.

Am I really blogging about this while I'm on vacation?

2008-08-16T09:05:00.000-07:00

It's really hard for me to unwind, especially when I'm with other people. It doesn't matter that the "other people" are the part of my family that I love the most. It's the fact that I'm still a mom and a wife. I still feel like there are expectations. And when I feel like I HAVE to do ANYTHING, then I don't know how to relax. Maybe I don't know how to relax regardless. Or maybe I honestly have such a hard time dealing with change that, no matter where I go, it takes me a good 2 days to acclimate. Or maybe I'm so insecure that when I have freedom, I don't know what the heck to do with it so I put needless expectations and pressures on myself.

I think part of the reason I had such a hard time our first 2 days here was because of the book I was reading. It's called "Running in Heels" and it's about a single girl who's struggling with every corner of her life. A third of the way through the book, the reader discovers that the heroine battles with anorexia and her newly developed habit of binging and purging. It was at this point in the book that I began to relate with the character and my focus began to shift inward.

Those who know me well, know that I struggle with food. I've never been anorexic or bulimic. The only reasons for this are that, 1) I don't have the self-control to starve myself and, 2) I hate to throw up...and I'm barely successful at making myself throw up when I'm truly sick anyway. But I can't tell you how many times I've thought about how much easier my life would be if I could cultivate one of these 2 habits.

(And yes, I know it's bad to think that starving or purging could somehow make life "easier" or better in any way.)

At one point, Natalie (our heroine) says:

"As I work on the toast, I add and subtract--calories gained, calories spent, eating it on, running it off--the sabotage is involuntary...What do people do, who don't think of food? Their lives must be gaping holes, chasms of nothingness punctuated by random meals. What would I think about, if I didn't think of food? I'd think the unthinkable. So food is what I think of."

I get this. I wish that one day I will know what it's like to not "think of food". It's constant. I feel good because I've (finally) made a healthy choice. Or I feel guilty because I've eaten a "bad" food...or too much of a "bad" food. Or I'm thinking about how I'm going to eat as much as I can in order to not feel the things that I'm feeling. Or how I'm going to burn enough calories to make up for what I've eaten. Or I don't want to go out to eat socially because it means appetizers and heavy foods and looking at deserts (and wanting them). Or I'm worried that I'm going to become the 286 pound Leanne that I've been able to avoid for the last 6 years. And it's all because I'm afraid. Afraid to feel. Afraid to make a bad decision. Afraid that people won't like me if I assert myself. Afraid that I'll feel lonely if I don't have it. Afraid that if I have another goal, I might fail. And I can't fail at food. I know food. It knows me. Intimately.

"I'm bored of using my body to speak my pain. If only I could learn to use my voice instead."

Those of you who've struggled with these types of addictions know that this quote speaks to the root of the issue. We use food, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, sex, work, money, things, hobbies, ANYTHING to occupy us instead of dealing with what is real. We don't use our voices. We act out. Like children.

My daughter doesn't have much of a vocabulary yet, so when she gets upset, she hits someone, she bites something, she throws herself on the floor. She acts out. But she is 17 months old. She doesn't know how to use her voice yet.

And apparently neither do I.

Oh, I know how to use my voice when it comes to others. I can see straight through most other people and I can tell them what their problems are and how they should deal with them. But when it comes to myself, I'd rather hide in a corner (or any other dark, solitary place) with a bag of Oreos.

But like the quote says, "I'm bored" of it. It's annoying. It's tedious. It's tiring. And it's time to use my voice. Time to be an adult. Time to stand up for myself and take my life (my body?) back. Again. Because trust me, this isn't the first time. Or the 2nd time. Or the 50th time. This is everyday. And y'all, I'm so tired. It wears me out. And a lot of you are sitting there right now knowing exactly what I'm talking about. You're tired too.

If I'm writing this to you, then know that I feel for you. You can comment or not...these kinds of issues aren't for the faint of heart. These aren't things that most people want to publicize...just the ones like me, who are just 'off' enough to not care if people know they're crazy. So know you're not in this alone.

As for me, I'm going to cry a little bit for myself, and then I'm going to try to live my life. And enjoy it all the while.

Praise the Jesus

2008-08-12T12:58:00.000-07:00

That's right. We are FINALLY taking a REAL vacation! See ya, Long Beach, Downey and surrounding areas. Big Bear, here we come!

The softer side of Bernie Mac

2008-08-10T00:25:00.000-07:00

Rest in Peace, Bernie.

A declaration.

2008-08-09T13:10:00.000-07:00

Most people go about their lives doing what they think is right for them. And certainly there's nothing wrong with that, but it's not something I've ever really prescribed to. From high school on, I've only wanted to do what God wanted me to do. I've listened for and sought out God's voice to the best of my ability, to the chagrin of some of those closest to me. I've learned a lot of lessons about my own humanity and about the true Grace and Joy God has given me to give to others. I'm not saying that I'm perfect. Far from, actually.

What I'm finding as I get more and more distance from the day Christopher was asked to leave Journey, I realize it was that single event that brought about a pause in the way I seek God. God didn't say to leave. A group of men did. We left. Somehow, we end up in the Midwest. Anyone who knows Christopher and I knows that move couldn't have been in line with the passions God had given either of us. We made that move. Not God.

I get pregnant. I say I'm not having a baby in the Midwest. God says nothing. Or maybe we just forget to ask. We come to Southern California. Through a series of events and the Spirit of God somehow moving in the midst of our ignorance and disobedience, we end up back in ministry. It takes us a while, but we start listening again...individually. And God begins teaching us again. Slowly.

And here we are. Ready to listen. Ready to obey. Ready to "pick up where we left off" as some might say. This is not an easy task. This is not a simple journey. The road ahead will be riddled with joy, pain, hardship and confusion. But here we are. A family now standing in the place of those 2 individuals who met almost 4 years ago. God knew what He was doing when He crossed our paths 4 years ago, and He knows what He's doing now. And dare I say...

It's go time.

Anyone up for some live music?

2008-08-02T22:45:00.000-07:00

A while back, I was reading Jamie's blog about her good friend, Shannon Curtis, who also happens to be on tour this summer. I checked Shannon out and found that I really like her style. Very sultry. She reminds me a little bit of Diana Krall. So I added Shannon as a friend on Myspace and told her if she's in the area, I'll totally try to see her.

Well, folks, she's coming to Molly Malone's on August 10th and I'm totally stoked to have an excuse to go hear some quality music in what looks like will be a fun venue. If anyone is interested, let me know! It would be fun to go as a group.

I hate drama

2008-08-01T16:26:00.000-07:00

Why do people feel like they can't just be honest about what they're doing? If they sin, they should sin boldly, right? When I know someone is doing something wrong, it kinda tweaks my nerves when they tell me they didn't do it. I know you did it. I know when you did it. I know how you did it. I'm pretty certain I know why you did it. Please don't tell me you didn't do it.

And you know what else? Even though you did it, I still care about you and want to help you. But as long as you are lying to yourself, I am powerless to help you...everyone is. Including you.

This particular issue in any relationship or circumstance brings out more passion, fire and gut reaction from me than anything else. Maybe it comes from knowing Jesus. Knowing that where there is honesty and truth, there can be healing and newness. Lives can change. But as long as people continue to believe lies and live in the murkiness, there is absolutely nothing anyone can do for them. Even if they mean well. Even if they want, with all their hearts, to make a change.

I'm not going to talk about any details. Those of you closest to me probably know what's going on. Those of you who don't know; dthis is not an affront to our relationship. I just don't believe in airing anyone's dirty laundry on blogs. And you can also rest assured that if you're reading this, I'm also not talking about you. I don't believe in communicating my feelings toward someone via world wide web. I'm not 12. My feelings have been communicated to the party in question. This is simply residual ranting.

So thanks for stopping by and sticking around long enough to get to the end. And if you're going through anything that feels like this, as my friends in the South say, Bless your heart. It's certainly not for the faint of heart.

More about Kenya

2008-07-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

I just got an email from my friend, Angela. She sent me this link. She was interviewed regarding the work she's started and that I'll be taking part in come September. You should definitely check it out! Then, if you haven't donated already, you should totally donate!

Give anything 20 years...

2008-07-26T10:53:00.000-07:00

...and it comes back in style.

Just ask NKOTB. Summertime is their new hit. It was #1 on VH1's Top 20 Videos this morning.

Never did I think I'd see the day when NKOTB was back together, let alone back on top of ANY pop chart.

I never thought I'd see people in leg warmers or leggings again either.

A week in the life of

2008-07-25T22:25:00.000-07:00

Just to recap my learnings from this week...

1. Sunday night at the Hollywood Bowl with Tanya and Rachel was AMAZING. I don't know what was better--the funky soul vibe of Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings or the red cup party people on the bus to and from said event...oh, and then there was the throw back to SNL's Wild and Crazy guys (Rachel, I'm counting on you to post that video!)...and I can't forget to mention (for those of you who haven't read about this already) the fact that our bus BROKE DOWN on the way to the Bowl. Like I said: Amazing. Really.

2. I have a really hard time living a balanced life. I'm very extreme on a day to day basis. I think it's a mix of my own personal issues and a few Spiritual things going on around me that I can't see and therefore forget about.

3. It is good to read and think about new ideas.

4. Waiting in line 5 hours for a phone is somehow worth it (it might have been more worth it if we got 2 of them).

5. Sorbettos are good.

6. Frappuccinos are better (was there ever any doubt).

7. Friends who can laugh with you instead of at you when you almost flip a plate over and knock a knife off a table are the best kind of friends to have.

8. It's fun to see our friends as new parents.

9. I hate cleaning my house. If you come over right now, you would see that.

10. I hate fruit flies.

11. I love my husband and my daughter. Even when they drive me crazy. And especially when I drive them crazy.

Those are the basics of my life as they stand at this moment. Just thought I'd update you.

100 push-ups

2008-07-23T23:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm a little behind everyone else, but I just finished Day 2 of the 100 Push-up Challenge. Yay me! In way of update and shared experience, I offer the following:

After the first day, my abs did hurt more than my arms and, right now, if my forearms felt like the top of my arms and shoulders, I wouldn't be typing. There are 5 sets to complete. Then they lay out a minimum number to do for your last set, but you're supposed to eek out as many push-ups as you can at the end. I made it to the middle of number 18 and collapsed. I was grunting. I felt like one of those over-muscled guys at the gym who grunt loudly with every rep before angrily dropping the weights like it's somehow the weight's fault that they've pushed themselves to the point of painful fatigue.

And if I keep pushing, maybe I'll start to look like one of those guys at the gym. Or just a mom with a little less flab.

Things Bella likes

2008-07-23T07:52:00.000-07:00

Last night, Christopher took Bella and I out hunting for a phone. While we were out, I decided to take Bella over to Starbucks to try this new taste sensation known as The Sorbetto. The gentleman taking my order was dumbfounded at the fact that I'd not yet tried one and mid-ring-up said, "Well, then this one is on me!"
We tried the Pinkberry Mango one. It was excellent. Bella enjoyed it as well. This is all the proof I've got...it's a little blurry, but you can tell it's Bella. And anyone who's had a Sorbetto, knows that's the logo (right, Liana?)!

We returned to the Verizon store with our Sorbetto, and, thank goodness, Bella made a friend. Otherwise she would have drank the entire Sorbetto on her own! This friend was, in fact, so taken with Bella, that her mom could not leave without giving me her phone number so that we can set up a date for her daughter and mine to play. Bella's drinking the Sorbetto again, but while they were in the store, they were holding hands and playing mimicking games. It was cute. (By the way, the little girl has been blurred to protect her identity. It has nothing to do with my phone's camera being a piece of crap.)

And one last thing Bella likes...this is new since I came back from New Orleans. She likes Mommy's purse. Or anything with a handle that can fit over her shoulder. Even if it's bigger and heavier than she is.

Am I in High School again?

2008-07-23T07:19:00.000-07:00

I used to have a really bad habit of hitting the snooze button for an hour + before ever getting out of bed in the morning. For the last few years, I'd, for the most part, kicked that habit. I was down to about 20 minutes. I thought that was acceptable.

Until last week. For some reason, for the last week I've decided that it's a good habit to pick up again. So this morning, my alarm started going off at 6. I did not roll out of bed until 7. I think if anyone spoke to me right now, I might bite their head off (another habit from the good ol' days). I'm still exhausted, my head kinda hurts and I just want to crawl back into bed.

I have a severe lack of motivation and that has GOT to change. Yesterday I did manage to get a few things done around the house and Bella and I played together and read books. So today, my goal is to successfully care for my child and make it to all my appointments (Doctor for Bella, lunch with NOLA girls, teach, pick up baby and husband, equipping nights) and to do my 2nd day of the 100 push-up challenge. Dishes can wait. cleaning? Laundry (perpetual)? Working out (for real)? Not today, my friends. Today is a bare minimum simply make it through what is already planned out kinda day. There might even be some fast food involved for dinner (blah).

And I can assure you there will be a double shot of something involved this morning.

I'm talking espresso, people.

Today for you, tomorrow for me

2008-07-22T08:28:00.000-07:00

Here's my question. How often do you think we live our lives thinking the subject of this post? "Okay, you get today, but tomorrow is for me."

I think I do it subconsciously, and I think it sounds more like this, "Yesterday (last week/last month/last year/etc.) was for you. Today is for me." I'm done trying to help you or think beyond my own 4 walls. I'm making today ALL about me.

It's unfortunate, because usually the 'yesterday' went really well. I can spend a day or a week thinking of someone else, but once it's over, it's like the rubber band effect. I'm done. I don't like that I have the capacity for this behavior. It disappoints me. It makes me sad for the other people in my life that I can be so selfish. I really do try, but there are days that I just fail miserably. And the worst part is that I fail because I want to...or because I decide to...not because I unknowingly do something ugly to someone. I absolutely know that I'm making decisions based on what Leanne wants and nothing else.

Does anyone else feel this way? If so, what are your thoughts and/or learnings on this topic?

It happened again

2008-07-19T22:05:00.000-07:00

I'm on my computer checking an email and Christopher is sitting on the couch on his computer. I haven't been looking at the screen for more than 5 minutes and I think, hey, I can "cyberflirt" with my husband since we both have AIM. So I click on his name and send him a cute little message, expecting at least a chuckle from the couch behind me.

Nothing.

I turn around, and there's my hubby, once again, passed out on the couch with his computer on his lap.

Oh, my husband. If only he could fall asleep in bed like a normal person.

Party anyone?

2008-07-19T20:28:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday night. I'm at home alone (well, except for the sleeping baby). I don't think many of my readers know me well enough to know how absolutely awful that combination can be for me.

I'm a pretty social person. But I'm also committed to making sure my daughter is at home in bed at a decent time most nights of the week. So I don't feel it appropriate to pawn my daughter off on someone else just because I want to go out. So I'm home. Watching 2 Weeks Notice on AMC.

Woo. Hoo.

So...anyone up for a party? I'd post my address except that this is, after all, the internet; and, although I may be desperate for social interaction, I would prefer it not come in the form of what I like to call "crazy".

The start of something wonderful

2008-07-18T10:48:00.001-07:00

Wednesday night was Revolution's first equipping night of this summer. It was awesome! I would guess there were about 50 or 60 (?) people there. Christopher shared his heart about who God is and how we need to be responding to Him in accordance with that instead of in accordance with who WE are or what WE need. He had us do an exercise where we had the word "GOD" on a blank sheet of paper and we wrote down all things we were thankful for or that we thought of in association with Him. I don't know how it was for everyone else, but this was a time of reverence for me. My heart was really opened to seeing things that I should be thankful for and be able to enjoy.

Rick Mysse then finished up the evening. I don't know about you all, but I have a really hard time listening to Rick sometimes and I just discovered why on Wednesday. He says so many important things in succession (sometimes without transition or connected thoughts) that my brain can't keep up. I counted at least 2 or 3 times where my head got stuck on something he said because it made me think in a way I never had before about a concept that *should be* old hat for a "good" Christian. The most important thing I think I got has to do with humility. I have spent so much time in my life praying that God would "humble me". I never got that He waits for ME to humble myself! He can't FORCE humility. He can strip our pride. But he can't force our hearts to soften.

Wow.

And after all that, we simply prayed. It was so beautiful to see Revolution praying. We were in groups of 3-6 praying together for personal and corporate vision, for church unity and for love. And the greatest thing was at the end of the prayer time, when we were dismissed, almost no one moved. Our group prayed a little bit longer and then I looked up to see other groups still sitting and talking with one another.

It's the beginning, Revolution. It's the beginning of a new era. It's the beginning of an exciting time. Why? Because God is stripping us down to nothing and all we can do is pray. All we can do is ask God to do something. Anything. To use us. Somehow. To show us who He is...not what he (or we) can do.

And when THAT becomes our prayer, individually and corporately, God can finally do something.

Praise God.

Can't focus on anything but...

2008-07-16T10:30:00.000-07:00

...Many of you know that Christopher and I are searching for a new home. We're not having a ton of luck. I just went out looking again yesterday, found a great apartment at a great price, and if we could move it over and up about 4 blocks, it would be perfect. We're still waiting to hear about the guy who snagged the apartment we wanted (the manager's going to ask if he would consider switching to the one that just came open).

And here I am in Downey. If my schedule went as planned today, this is how it would look: To Los Alamitos, back to Downey. To Long Beach, back to Norwalk, go to Artesia, then Los Alamitos, then Norwalk, Downey, back to wherever El Dorado is, then finally home to Downey. I don't want to drive that much. If gas were still under $3, then I'd consider it. But really? We have got to get out of here! Even a 2nd car wouldn't ease having to drive back and forth all the time since everything we do is in Lakewood, Long Beach or Los Alamitos.

Dear Jesus, PLEASE give us a new home. Close to our friends. Closer to the beach. That we can afford. That we can love. Please.

Really?

2008-07-15T12:44:00.000-07:00

Grilled Goat Cheese and Roasted red pepper sandwich. That's what Bella's eating for lunch. Really.

We didn't have any other cheese except the swiss I know she doesn't like, so I thought, "Why not?"

And now my 16 month old child is happily eating goat cheese and roasted red peppers. Is that not the wierdest thing ever?

Dominic Angelo

2008-07-15T09:30:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, Christopher and I got to meet Lori and Angelo's brand new baby boy and he's so beautiful! I am so incredibly happy for them! Congratulations, Alberico's!

It makes me want to have another one. ::sigh:: If only I wasn't in a wedding on the other side of the country 9 months from now. :o)

Sleepy husband

2008-07-13T20:36:00.001-07:00

It's 8:30 in the evening and I'm sitting at the computer killing time so I stay up slightly later than most grandma's I know. Christopher is sitting on the couch with his laptop talking incessantly about the intricacies of some kind of smartphone thing. The voice hasn't stopped for, not kidding, about 20 minutes. So I say, "Honey, has it been talking about the same phone this whole time? Honey?......Hon...."

And as I turn around, I see Christopher's head turned away from his computer, mouth opened, no sign of consciousness.

And the voice continues.

I think maybe I should let him know he can go to bed now. I know some people believe you can absorb information while you're sleeping through osmosis or something equally ridiculous, but I don't really think it's necessary at this point.