Pastor's Wives

So I guess my struggle as a pastor's wife isn't so different from most other pastor's wives since I got this letter in my inbox this afternoon.  I always get emails from the Pastors Wives Network but I NEVER read them.  I guess I was supposed to read this one.  I wanted to share it because it speaks so deeply to the feelings of insufficiency I (and I guess lots of other pastors wives) have sometimes as well as validates the desires that I have but am afraid to act on.  After all, I never wanted to be a Pastor's wife...or a stay-at-home mom.  But here I am.  Wanting to do the best that I can with where I'm at.

The email I received discussed the struggle we have when we're asked the question, "So what do YOU do?"  I don't know about other women, but I struggle with the answer to that question because, with all my heart, I want to make a difference.  I want to be the one doing something worthwhile.  But with the position I'm in, I'm NOT the one making a difference (at least I'm not the one in the spotlight), and that's hard for me.  

One personality profile has labelled me "The Entertainer".  Believe it or not, I like to be in the middle of everything.  I like to know everybody and I like them to know me.  I like to make people laugh.  I like to have a platform.  I like to change people's lives.  And right now, the lives that are the most important for me to be a change agent within are my husband and daughter.  That's so hard.  I take a back seat so that Christopher can have the support he needs.  I spend my time at home because I want Bella to have her mom with her.  

And that honors God.  That encourages Christopher.  That supports the ministry he's a part of.  That changes my daughter's life.  

And it changes my life.  It forces me to be humble.  It forces me to be quiet.  It allows me to grow while I'm in the background.  It's a good thing.  And I think I actually believe that.